Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded
Helpers Joined to a Healing God
| Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded
Helpers Joined to a Healing God |
Nederlandse versie
beschikbaar)My psycho-pastoral kitchen |
2008-08-25
The title of this web-page compares psycho-pastoral work to the preparation
of a good meal.
The question then is: what are good ingredients to prepare a healthy
and well-making meal?
On this page I will present a selection from the spectrum of approaches
and models that I see as useful in christian counseling or psycho-pastoral
therapy.
Over the past decades, many people have come up with ideas,
insights or other findings that are useful to christian counselors.
However, it is not always easy to distinguish what ideas are really in line
with what the Bible teaches about life.
And not all ideas necessarily benefit the christian counselor or therapist
in his or her work.
Via this Accede!-page,
I want to highlight some of the ideas, models, approaches, etc.
that I have found satisfying the above two criteria.
Ideas that have challenged my thinking or feeling, ideas that have added to
my understanding of God's marvelous plan.
Or ideas that have given me more insight about why some people struggle
so hard and yet, do not seem to 'make it'.
Through the ideas presented by a great variety of people, God has opened
my eyes for alternative viewpoints that have been most enriching.
After all, a three-dimensional world is so much more beautiful than a
one-dimensional one.
A few observations and criteria have guided me in the back of my mind:
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God is knowledgable as well as loving and able, more than anyone else beyond any comparison, and thus the ultimate source of healing and wisdom; |
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Next to God, the counselee is the best expert on his or her life in all its aspects; |
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Problems of counselees are often - at least partly - socially or relationally induced and/or the result of an acquired lifestyle of the counselee or of significant others in (the past or present of) the life of the counselee; |
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Such problems are usually not residing in the core being, 'heart' or 'personality' of the counselee; |
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Besides cognitive and behavioural aspects, emotional, relational, spiritual, physical and other aspects of life are generally involved and should be dealt with; |
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'Health' cannot be described in any limited subset of these aspects either - relational aspects may even be more important than rational or individualistic ones; |
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In healing processes, it is vital that the counselee's personality, dignity and skills are empowered rather than downgraded. |
Thus, I welcome any approach or model that holds on to these criteria and observations. Similarly, I basically do not accept any approach that sees the counselor as an exclusive "expert" and/or the counselee as 'dumb' or 'ignorant', as well as any approach that is in contradiction to acknowledging God for Who He is. However, I do want to learn from any experience, any observation that has been acquired in line with the above criteria, even if part of a system that I would reject in general. I like to be led by the motto of the prophet Isaiah: "You have taught me to speak as pupils do" i.e. as willing to learn, always wondering, always eager to see things from a different perspective.
Below I will very briefly mention some of the ideas, models and approaches
that I have learned from, and what in particular I learned from them.
In this limited space I can impossibly do full right to the approaches,
nor describe them adequately.
However, I do want to point to some approaches that have benefitted me
substantially as a counselor.
First and foremost, there is the Bible itself. Every time again and again, I am surprised at the enormeous wealth of wisdom that God communicates to me through His Word. Now it is a Psalm through which He shows me some aspect of the way we were meant to be, then it is a prophetic piece through which I see more of His care, or a history that sheds new light on the way He likes to communicate with us, etcetera. The list could go on endlessly. So, for brevity, I will refer here to the articles that I have written that are or will be published on this website, as they refer to the Biblical narrative extensively.
The many stories that God has given us in the Bible I enjoy very much,
as we can recognize ourselves in the many people 'just like us' - people,
too, with a wonderful God!
One of the stories that had a great impact on me is the story of Mary and
Martha, the sisters of Lazarus.
I have paraphrased what happened in the lives of these two
sisters in their contact with Jesus, as seen through the eyes of Mary
(
PDF document).
On the web, there are many good Bible resources.
There is, e.g., the Online Bible to be downloaded on your pc or
palmtop - see www.onlinebible.net - an excellent resource for
in-depth Bible study as well as useful for daily use.
Good daily Bible reading plans can be downloaded from e.g. Heartlight™'s website or The Navigators' website.
Part of Heartlight™'s ministry is the site of Search God's
Word with many more Bible study resources.
God communicates to us through His Word, and also through other
people - who have either studied His Word or His creation.
So let's turn to some of those now.
Allow me to add to that, that I had never been able to assess the value
of these approaches and use them the way I can now, if I had not received
such a good foundation in Biblical exegesis during my years as a student
- a.o. via the IFES (International Fellowship of Evangelical
Students) and via the foundation Shalom in Eindhoven/Geldrop (NL).
After all, the Bible remains my ultimate source of insight and wisdom,
because the Bible speaks to me about the One Who is my Life (yes, with a
capital L!) and in Whom we find our destiny: Jesus
Christ.
At first I want to mention some theologians and preachers who have had
in influence on my ideas about God and my understanding of the Bible.
It is only a small selection from a long list.
The first that comes to my mind is John
Piper, a contemporary American theologian and preacher who can
direct us in a delightful way to the greatness of God and to the joy that
God has in store for us.
His Christocentric and God-directed teachings have an indelible and far
reaching influence on my thinking and life.
Regularly I return to his teachings to be stimulated to experience the
full joy in God and not let myself be distracted by side issues.
John Ernest Sanders confronted me, in his own
undescribable way, with how vulnerable God has made Himself in His
extraordinary love.
Joseph Pieper comes from a German stable and
digs deep into such themes as 'hope' and 'being on the way'.
The seeming antithesis about the Kingdom of God 'being here now' and 'not
being there yet' (and our loking forward to it) I saw uniquely described by
George Eldon Ladd.
This can also be seen as a theological basis for the Maranatha-counseling
(see below, with Téo van der Weele).
Of an older date is Aiden Wilson Tozer.
Like Piper he is able to make us enthousiastic for Who God is.
If we start to understand and experience a little about that, it becomes
a great life-transforming power in our lives!
Last but not least, Donald G. Bloesch,
gives a very clear vision on Word and Spirit and helps us find a good
balance.
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For further reading:
John Piper, Seeing and Savouring Jesus Christ, Crossway / Good News Publ., Wheaton, 2001.
John Piper, When I Don't Desire God, Crossway Books, Wheaton Ill, 2004; ISBN 1-58134-652-2.
John Piper, Desiring God, Multnomah, 2003, ISBN: 1590521196; see also: The website on Desiring God.
See also John Piper's impressive sermon of Febr. 26th, 2006, on Psalm 43 (also as mp3 file - right click and select 'download as').John Ernest Sanders, The God Who risks - A theology of providence, IVP, Downers Grove Illinois, 1998. ISBN 0-8308-1501-5.
Josef Pieper (with Victoria H. Lane - illustrator, Mary F. McCarthy - translator), On Hope, Ignatius Press, 1986; ISBN: 0898700671 (original in German).
Josef Pieper (with Victoria H. Lane - illustrator, Mary F. McCarthy - translator), On Hope, Ignatius Press, 1986; ISBN: 0898700671 (original in German).
John W. Fawcett of Pastoral Care Ministries once wrote a precious Précis of Joseph Pieper's book On Hope. It gave me a clearer understanding of the hope we all need when we are involved in a recovery / healing process. An important characteristic of this hope is that we are on the way to fulfilment.George Eldon Ladd, The Gospel and the Kingdom – Scriptural Studies in the Kingdom of God, The Paternoster Press / Wm. B. Eerdmans, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1959 / 1994.
A.W. Tozer, The knowledge of the Holy; Harper SanFrancisco; November 1978; ISBN: 0060684127.
A.W. Tozer, Worship: The Missing Jewel, (Heritage Series) Christian Publications, June 1996; ISBN: 0875092195.
A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God, Christian Publications, 1982).
A.W. Tozer, God tells the man who cares, Christian Publications, Harrisburg Pennsylvania USA, 1970.
A.W. Tozer (ed. by Gerald B. Smith), I talk back to the devil, Essays in spiritual perfection, Christian Publications, Harrisburg PA USA, 1972.
Donald G. Bloesch, A Theology of Word & Spirit – authority & method in theology, Christian Foundations -series, InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove Illinois USA, 1992.
 At the closing of a German seminar, August 2001. From left to right: Christiane Mack, Manfred Schmidt, and Conlee & Signa Bodishbaugh |
I have found great value in the healing prayer ministry of Leanne Payne and her co-workers - such as Rev. Conlee & Signa Bodishbaugh (of Mobile AL, USA). Her Pastoral Care Ministry Schools have had a life-changing impact on me and several people I know. Through her, God has given me a new vision on the centrality of the cross of
 Conlee & Signa Bodishbaugh |
Through her ministry, God gave me a new appreciation of my own unique
being as well as that of others.
She and her co-workers Conlee and Signa Bodishbaugh also helped me to
celebrate (she says: practice) the presence of God in my daily life.
Communicating intensely with God in everyday life - yes, also about the
'ordinary' things - is such a blessing!
She also introduced me to the work of John Bowlby in the first place
(see below).
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For further reading:
Much more info about Leanne Payne, her books and the seminars is available at the Pastoral Care Ministry website (English, German and Dutch version). Below only a small selection. See also the website of Christ Anglican Church, of Conlee and Signa Bodishbaugh.
Leanne Payne, Restoring the christian soul - through healing prayer (Overcoming the three great barriers to personal and spiritual completion in Christ), Crossway Books, Wheaton Ill USA, 1991.
Leanne Payne, The Healing Presence, Crossway Books, Wheaton Ill USA / Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1989/1995.
At the site of Mastering Life Ministries, I found: A conversation with Leanne Payne - part 1 and part 2, by David Kyle Foster. In this interview, we meet Leanne as she is - vibrant, enthousiastic and focused on the heart of the matter.
See also:
Signa Bodishbaugh, The Journey to Wholeness in Christ - A devotional adventure to becoming whole, Chosen Books / Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1997; 3rd Printing available from Journey Press, Mobile Alabama, 2003.
Note: Conlee & Signa Bodishbaugh will lead two Journey to Wholeness in Christ Seminars this season: one in Columbus, Ohio, on March 15-17, 2007, and one in Mobile, Alabama, on May 3-5, 2007.Andrew Comiskey, Strength in Weakness - Healing Sexual and Relational Brokenness, Inter Varsity Press, Downers Grove IL, USA, 2003; ISBN 0-8308-2368-9.
Valerie J. McIntyre, Sheep in Wolves' Clothes - How unseen need destroys friendship and community and what to do about it, Pastoral Care Ministries / Hamewith Books - Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1996/1999.
John W. Fawcett, Précis of Joseph Pieper's book: On Hope.
Andrew Comiskey, an early trainee of Leanne Payne, has founded a ministry directed to ministring the Life of Jesus to the sexually and relationally broken: Desert Stream. Its website features various good articles, like: Fathering and Being Fathered; and: Risen with Christ, Our Wounds yet Visible.
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Encounters, in the Fall of 2004, with the American Christian psychologist
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One of the focus points in Jim's teachings is that we may learn to live from the renewed heart that God wants to give us - that is living from the connection with God in Christ Jesus. A characteristic illustration about this I found on a page of the Life Model website about Christian Formation (some Bible-references added):
... our main task is to learn how to engage with the Spirit of God in ways that are life-changing, so that we become more and more prepared to live out of the new heart that God gave us, and less and less out of our old life patterns and values (cf. Eze.36:26; Deut.30:6; Jer.32:39; John 3; Rom.5-8). It's a bit like trying to grow apples. If we tried to manufacture apples by assembling a pile of organic material and attempting to rearrange the molecules to make apples, we would find the process frustrating and the goal impossible. But if we plant the right kind of tree, water and fertilize the ground, and protect the tree against invading insects and disease, the apples will form quite well without our having any idea how the tree is able to do such a thing. So also with spiritual growth. If we learn to abide in the vine (cf. John 15), we will discover that we can bear fruit that is qualitatively better than anything we could produce by direct effort.
I am most thankful to Gerard & Coby Feller of the Dutch foundation Promise who introduced me to Jim in the first place, after seeing the congruency between some of the findings of Jim and some of my literature surveys!
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For further reading:
E. James Wilder, James G. Friesen, Anne M. Bierling, Rick Koepcke, Maribeth Poole, The Life Model - Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You - The Essentials of Christian Living, Shepherd's House, Pasadena, CA, USA, 1999.
E. James Wilder, James G. Friesen, Anne M. Bierling, Rick Koepcke, Maribeth Poole, Bringing the Life Model to Life - The LIFE Model Study Guide for Individuals and Small Groups, Shepherd's House, Pasadena, CA, USA, 2000.
E. James Wilder, The Stages of a Man's Life - A Guide for Men and Women, Quiet Water Publ., Bolivar, Missouri, USA, 2003; ISBN 1-931475-18-0.
E. James Wilder, (The Complete Guide to) Living with Men - Keep Growing and Stay Lovable, Shepherd’s House Publishing, Pasadena CA, USA, 2004; ISBN 0-9674357-5-7.
Chris Coursey and E. James Wilder, THRIVING - Life Rhythms Discovered, Life Rhythms Restored (an excerpt from their forthcoming book), and more information on Thriving, both on the site of C.A.R.E.
E. James Wilder, The Red Dragon Cast Down - A Redemptive Approach to the Occult and Satanism, Chosen (Baker Book House), Grand Rapids, MI, 1999; ISBN 0-8007-9270-X.
See also the websites of C.A.R.E. and CARE Packaging (where you can order most or all of the books by Jim Wilder et al), the website on the Life Model (in which Jim, together with several colleagues, explains a lot about God's plan for our life and about recovering or healing when something has not happened according this Plan A; with many materials to be downloaded, and an interaction-forum!) and the website of the Dutch foundation Promise.
2008-08-25
James G. Friesen, Uncovering the Mystery of MPD - Its shocking origins, its surprising cure, Here's Life/Send the Light, San Bernardino CA, USA 1991; ISBN 0840743858; re-issued: Wipf and Stock/Resource Publications, 1997; ISBN 1-57910-062-7.
Téo van der Weele during the break at a seminar of De Kracht van Vrede |
The approach of Helping by Blessing, or
Powerful Peace as it is named as well, as developed by
Téo J. van der Weele, has inspired me very much.
Van der Weele was led to this approach when faced with the task to help
many thousands of traumatized people in refugee camps in Thailand.
His task there was to equip lay people to become counselors in order to
help these masses.
His experience in this cross-cultural work later helped him to see how
people who grew up in abusive circumstances also benefitted from an
approach that asked questions as if they came from a different culture.
One of the main points of this approach is that when people experience
the deep peace and safety of the presence of God - either God the Father,
Jesus Christ or the Holy Spirit -, they can more easily begin the healing
process from emotional trauma.
This peace, and even God's presence, can be invoked by a fellow christian
in a sufficiently safe atmosphere - the two-fold concept of the
Maranatha-prayer.
The Maranatha-prayer emphasises that we need hope for a better future
as well as God's presence in the situation here and now.
It is a form of pastoral counseling that is based on what God wants to do
for the counselee, more than what the counselor can do.
Many other psychotherapeutic treatment methods focus on the problem.
Helping by Blessing connects with what God has already done and is
doing in the life of the counselee, in stead of following a plan of your
own. of aan
Encouraging the counselee to face painful realities from the past, present
or future happens only when God and the counselee want this to happen
and when the counselee is ready for it (cf. 1 Cor.10:13; Hebr.4:8).
This means that we do not automatically dig into someone's past; not
everything needs to be re-lived to be healed.
Some events may have been too painful, or 'irrelevant' in God's eyes.
His peace can cover and heal it.
The approach is now exercised and taught by the Dutch foundation De
Kracht van Vrede (The Power of Peace), with whom I am also affiliated.
What this approach first of all taught me, is that it is not my expertise
that contributes to the healing but the presence of Jesus first.
By listening spiritually to what God is already doing in the life of the
counselee, I can become truly His co-operative shepherd-dog, as Luther used
to call himself so succinctly.
For further reading:
Téo J. van der Weele, From Shame to Peace - Counselling and caring for the sexually abused, Importantia, Dordrecht NL, 2002 (earlier edition published through Monarch, Crowborough GB, 1995; also available in German, Finnish and Dutch).
More information on this approach can also be found in my article Helping by Blessing, or at the website of De Kracht van Vrede (the foundation that furthers Téo's teachings).
There are quite some more christian writers on counseling who stood out from the crowd for me. Some of these have a Roman Catholic background. I think my appreciation for their contribution has to do with the fact that Roman Catholicism was influenced less by the 'modern' utilitarian thinking than my own scientific, reformed background. And thus, it formed a nice 'counterweight'. The world of affects and relationships cannot always be caught in rational terms. These people gave me a new appreciation for this and for concepts such as beauty and love.
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Two of them are Henri Nouwen and Brennan Manning.
Each in their own way, they have helped me to 'live as a child' -
enjoying the heavenly Father's love whatever the circumstances and not
divert to rebellious Pharisee-ism or 'impostorship'.
Only by "listening to the Rabbi's heartbeat" on a regular basis
can I do so (see the interview with Brennan Manning or his book as
referenced below).
Henri Nouwen's concept of the 'wounded healer' helped me to see my own
brokenness not as something to be regretted (only), but (also) as something
that helps me to truly connect with others on a heart-to-heart level.
And without such an empathic connection, effective counseling is hardly
possible.
Though theologically I miss something in Henri Nouwen's view
on such concepts as 'sin', or on the divinity of Jesus, I prefer to look
at what I can learn from these people.
For further reading:
Brennan Manning, Abba's Child - the cry of the heart for intimate belonging, NavPress, Colorado USA, 1994.
See also the web-article: Living as God's beloved - an interview with Brennan Manning, on how to experience God's love; from the Discipleship Jl (Navigators USA) on-line library.
Henri Nouwen, The return of the prodigal son, 1988.
Henri J.M. Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus - reflections on Christian leadership, Crossroad, New York USA, 198x.
Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Wounded Healer - ministry in contemporary society, Doubleday, New York USA, 1972; (Reissue edition: Image Books, 1979) ISBN 0-385-14803-8.
Because of its vital message, I include my summary of this book in a separate article: Wounded Healers.
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Though not as well known internationally as she deserved to be, the Dutch Roman Catholic psychologist Anna A.A. Terruwe (1911-2004) has inspired me greatly. I think of her observation of the condition of our impersonal 'modern' society giving rise to what she called: 'frustration neurosis', of her concept of 'restrained love' (i.e. love, that does not force itself upon another in a way that the other cannot appreciate or receive), etc. But most of all, I think of her gentle teachings on affirming, encouraging and empowering one another, though I learned about this from Larry Crabb and Dan Allender as well. The way she combined psychological insights with her faith in God also was most inspiring to me.
For further reading:
Anna A.A. Terruwe, The Neurosis in the Light of Rational Psychology (Dutch title: De Neurose in het Licht van de Rationele Psychologie); trans. Conrad W. Baars, edited by Jordan Aumann, P.J. Kenedy & Sons, New York, 1960.
Anna A.A. Terruwe, Give Me Your Hand - About Affirmation, Key to Human Happiness, Croydon, Victoria, Spectrum Publications, 1973 (translation, by Martin Van Buuren, of: Geef mij je hand - over bevestiging, sleutel van menselijk geluk, De Tijdstroom, Lochem NL, 1972; in Dutch).
Conrad W. Baars, Anna A. Terruwe, Healing the Unaffirmed - Recognizing Emotional Deprivation Disorder, Alba House, Jan. 1979; ISBN: 0818903937 (Revised and updated edition, edited by Suzanne M. Baars & Bonnie N. Shayne, Alba House, 2002; ISBN: 0818909188; / St. Pauls, Staten Island, NY, 2002).
Anna A. Terruwe, Conrad W. Baars, Psychic Wholeness and Healing, Alba House, Jan. 1981; ISBN: 0818904100; (see also at AddAll).
Anna A.A. Terruwe, Geloven zonder angst en vrees (Believing without anxiety or fear), Romen, Roermond, 1971; in Dutch.
Larry Crabb & Dan Allender, Encouragement, the key to caring, Zondervan Grand Rapids MI USA, 1984.
See also: Henry Pinsker, 'The Supportive Component of Psychotherapy', Psychiatric Times, November 1998, Vol. XV, Issue 11.
Last, in this category, there are a number of writers that I just want to mention briefly.
Lewis B. Smedes' introduction on the vital concept of grace as antidote to shame was most refreshing to me.
So was Larry Crabb's concept of connecting - empowering the good (that which is of or in line with God) in each other - as a new and more effective way of counseling than many traditional psychotherapeutic approaches.
On the theme that to care often means to speak out and to confront others in a loving way, as well as on the difficult and often mistreated subject of forgiveness, I learned a lot from David Augsburger. The fact that anger - often regarded as a 'negative' and undesirable emotion - can become a creative force to draw closer to others and to oneself, is just so great!
What I said above about Smedes, also counts for David A. Seamands and his book: Freedom from the Performance Trap - Letting Go of the Need to Achive. Most instrumental I consider his notion that the false self becomes more obsessed with a more unreal goal as the true self becomes more hidden under it.
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John Townsend helped me to see the struggle we often face between a desire and need for connection and a similar one for separation and being alone at times. He also showed clearly how we can struggle about the fact that bad and evil happens - most of the time totally outside our control. We somehow have to resolve the urge to 'make everything good'.
Jerry Cook presents very clearly what the Christian community is all about: Love, acceptance and forgiveness. In this way we become a healing community.
Josh McDowell confirms the relationship between increasing violence and destructive behaviours among young people, and the isolation and disconnection in which they often grew/grow up.
Though it is many years ago that I last read it, I will not easily forget
Ingrid Trobish's book: The Hidden Strength
- Rooted in the Security of God's Love.
Written from the consolation she herself received in very difficult
circumstances, it touches the deepest human need.
Many times this book was the first one I recommended people to read,
because it is easy to read, pure and very helpful on a broad spectrum of
life issues.
Lastly in this category, I do not want to leave unmentioned the books by Mary Pytches. Her tender and yet firm and solid teachings have often ignited a fresh zeal in me to pursue more of God's healing - both in my own life and those of others.
For further reading:
Lewis B. Smedes, Shame and Grace - healing the shame we don't deserve, HarperSanFrancisco, Zondervan / HarperCollins, USA, 1993.
Larry Crabb, Connecting - Healing for ourselves and our relationships; a radical vision, Word Publishing, Nashville Tennessee USA, 1997.
See also: A Shrink Gets Stretched - Why psychologist Larry Crabb believes spiritual direction should replace therapy; by Agnieszka Tennant, Christianity Today, May 2003.David Augsburger, Caring Enough to Confront - Learning to speak the truth in love, Herald Press, USA / Marshall Pickering, Basingstoke Hants UK, 1973 / 1980.
David Augsburger, Caring enough to forgive - true forgiveness; and: Caring enough to not forgive - false forgiveness (one volume), Regal, USA, 1981 / Herald, Scottdale PA USA.
David A. Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap - Letting Go of the Need to Achive (earlier editions titled: Healing Grace), Victor Books, SP Publications, USA, 1988.
John Townsend, Hiding from Love (We all long to be cared for, but we prevent it by -) - How to change the withdrawal patterns that isolate and imprison you, NavPress, USA, 1991 / Scripture Press, Amersham-on-the-Hill Bucks England, 1992; ISBN 1-872059-68-6.
Jerry Cook (with Stanley C. Baldwin), Love, Acceptance and Forgiveness - Equipping the Church to Be Truly Christian in a Non-Christian World, Regal, 1979 / Gospel Lit. Int'l, USA, 1981; ISBN: 0830706542.
Josh McDowell, The Disconnected Generation - Saving Our Youth from Self Destruction, Word (Thomas Nelson), Nashville, 2000; ISBN 0-8499-4077-X (see an impression of this book, at the publisher).
Ingrid Trobish, The Hidden Strength - Rooted in the Security of God's Love, Here's Life, San Bernardino, 1988.
Mary Pytches, Set My People Free: inner healing in the local church, Hodder & Stoughton, London, 1987.
Mary Pytches, Yesterday's Child - Understanding & healing present problems by examining the past, Hodder & Stoughton, London, 1990; ISBN 0 340 52273 9.
Mary Pytches, Rising above the storms of life - handling our emotions God's way, Eagle (IPS), Guildford, Surrey, GB, 2000; ISBN 0-86347-375-X.
Then, there is the massive work of psychoanalists,
psychologists, psychotherapists and other scientists and
practitioners - many of whom have diligently studied the phenomena
and dynamics that take place in the formation of healthy or unhealthy
behaviours, life patterns, habits, affects, thought patterns, etc.
I will have to limit myself to highlight only a few that have had a
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I do want to add though, that I also learned a lot through a brief investigation of the history of psychoanalysis that I did. One can learn so much from seeing the patterns in the development of the profession and some of the 'big' names involved.
See for example:
Joseph Schwartz, Cassandra's Daughter - A history of psychoanalysis in Europe and America, Allen Lane / Penguin Press, London - New York - etc, 1999; ISBN 0-713-9-9158-5 (Int'l/British edition), 0-670-88623-8 (USA/CAN Edition).
Also useful I considered e.g.:
Paul Genova, 'There Are Only Three Kinds of Psychotherapy', Psychiatric Times, November 2001, Vol. XVIII, Issue 11.
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A prominent place I like to reserve here for the Attachment Theory of the British developmental psychologist John Bowlby (1909-1990) and his co-workers and later adherents. Bowlby was one of the first to study the interactions between babies and their primary caregivers - in particular their mothers. He saw how we are equipped with an attachment system, that makes us look for safe attachments to others, connections that will provide the safety we need to operate freely in life. He also discovered how many problems can be traced back to 'imperfections' in our first attachments - those with our parents and other significant caregivers in the first years of life.
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For further reading (John Bowlby's most easy to read books and a good introductory article on the original work on Attachment Theory by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth): John Bowlby, A Secure Base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development, Basic Books (Perseus), New York USA, 1988 / Routledge (Taylor & Francis Books Ltd.), 1988; ISBN: 0-465-07597-5. John Bowlby, The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds, Tavistock, London / Routledge, an imprint of Taylor & Francis Books Ltd., London, 1979; ISBN: 0415043263. Inge Bretherton, Origins of Attachment Theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth (document in PDF-format that can be read with Adobe Reader™; the original article appeared in: R. Parke, P. Ornstein, J. Reiser, C. Zahn-Waxler (Eds.), A Century of develomental psychology, Ch.15, pp.431-471).
Mauricio Cortina, Mario Marrone, 'Reclaiming Bowlby’s Contribution
to Psychoanalysis' ( See also the work on influences of childhood experiences by Mary Pytches, mentioned earlier. |
Though John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth have become most famous for their work on the attachment concept, many have prepared the way before them - e.g. already in the end of the 19th century Alfred Adler introduced his concept of 'Gemeinschaftsgefühl' (Adler's theories are still the basis for 'encouragement training seminars' given in various countries).
For further reading:
Henry T. Stein and Martha E. Edwards, Classical Adlerian Theory and Practice, on the site of the Alfred Adler Institute of San Francisco.
See also the Stages of classical Adlerian Psychotherapy diagram in Providing the Missing Developmental Experience in Classical Adlerian Psychotherapy, by the same authors on the same site.
More recently, several people have stretched the attachment-research
considerably.
More insight has been gained in the far-reaching effects of inappropriate or
insufficient early attachment.
Symptoms like that of post traumatic stress, borderline behaviour
characteristics or severe forms of dissociation have been traced back to
social deprivation in early childhood.
New interest in the attachment concepts has spurred more people to become
involved.
I think of some excellent research work as carried out in the last decade
or so by several people.
One of them is Bessel A. van der Kolk -
see for example his papers, mentioned below.
Another - sometimes nicknamed the American Bowlby or the
Einstein of Neurology, which says a lot - is Allan N. Schore, who has studied the interaction
of early attachment with the formation of the brain and reported about
this in several very interesting articles and books.
As an example: his conclusion in his 2002 paper on dysregulation of the
right brain is very significant:
Disorganized-disoriented insecure attachment, a pattern common in infants abused in the first two years of life, is psychologically manifest as an inability to generate a coherent strategy for coping with relational stress. Early abuse negatively impacts the developmental trajectory of the right brain, dominant for attachment, affect regulation, and stress modulation, thereby setting a template for the coping deficits of both mind and body that characterize PTSD symptomatology. These data suggest that early intervention programs can significantly alter the intergenerational transmission of postttraumatic stress disorders.
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Also childpsychiatrist Bruce Perry has done some groundbreaking work on the edge of neuroscience and psychology. From there, he gives a clear insight in what happens in the brain when a child is exposed to traumatic experiences from early on. In the book he wrote with Maia Szalavitz he tells with compassion about severely traumatised children whom he helped to grow towards adults that stand strong in life. One of the challenging examples is that of Justin, a six year old boy who grew up as a dog. He showed a speedy recovery in language and development as soon as his brain was stimulated in the right way.
Also Peter Fonagy has written several articles stretching the original attachment concepts.
Fortunately, Bowlbian attachment theory and its descendants have penetrated University circles in the Netherlands as well. In March 2002, Marianne Riksen-Walraven held her inaugural speech at the Faculty of Social Sciences of Nijmegen University, the Netherlands on the same issues as addressed by Allan N. Score et al.
For further reading:
Bessel A. van der Kolk, The compulsion to repeat the trauma - Re-enactment, revictimization and masochism (originally published in: Psychiatric Clinics of North America, Vol 12, Nr 2, June 1989, pp.389-411).
Though not focussed on attachment, I also include a few references to other papers by Bessel A. van der Kolk: The body keeps the score: Memory and the evolving psychobiology of post traumatic stress and The assessment and treatment of complex PTSD (a PDF document that can be read with Adobe Reader™).
More articles by Van der Kolk and his colleagues can be found via Bessel Van der Kolk and Colleagues' Articles on the web - specially under the 'classics' heading, there are some very worthwhile papers.Allan N. Schore, The Effects of a Secure Attachment Relationship on Right Brain Development, Affect Regulation, and Infant Mental Health (originally published in: Infant Mental Health Jl, 2001, 22, pp.7-66).
Allan N. Schore, Dysregulation of the right brain: A fundamental mechanism of traumatic attachment and the psychopathogenesis of posttraumatic stress disorder (originally published in: Australian and New Zealand Jl of Psychiatry, 2002, 36, pp.9-30).See also An interview with Allan Schore - 'The American Bowlby', July 9th 2001 and associated Suggested readings (both are PDF documents that can be read with Adobe Reader™).
Bruce D. Perry & Maia Szalavitz, The boy who was raised as a dog and other stories from a psychiatrist's notebook - What traumatized children can teach us about life, loss and healing, Basic Books - Perseus, New York, 2007; ISBN-13: 9780465056538; ISBN-10: 0465056539.
Bruce D. Perry, 'Trauma and Terror in Childhood - The Neuropsychiatric Impact of Childhood Trauma', in: I. Schulz, S. Carella & D.O. Brady (Eds.), Handbook of Psychological Injuries: Evaluation, Treatment and Compensable Damages, American Bar Association, August 20, 2000.
Bruce D. Perry, 'Traumatized children: How childhood trauma influences brain development', in: The Journal of the California Alliance for the Mentally Ill, 11 (1), 2000, pp.48-51.
Bruce D. Perry, 'Incubated in Terror - Neurodevelopmental Factors in the 'Cycle of Violence'', in: J. Osofsky (Ed.), Children, Youth and Violence: The Search for Solutions, Guilford Press, New York, 1997, pp.124-148.
Peter Fonagy, Attachment, the development of the self, and its pathology in personality disorders.
Antonio R. Damasio, Descartes' error - emotion, reason and the human brain, Putnam / AVON Books, New York, 1994.
Antonio R. Damasio, The feeling of what happens - body, emotion and the making of consciousness, Vintage, Random House, London / Hartcourt Brace & Company, New York, 1999.
Marianne Riksen-Walraven, Wie het kleine niet eert... - over de grote invloed van vroege sociale ervaringen (Who doesn't honour the little (one)... - on the strong influence of early social experiences; in Dutch) (a PDF document that can be read with Adobe Reader™), inaugural speech at the Faculty of Social Sciences of Nijmegen University, the Netherlands, March 2002. It includes a good set of references to the relevant literature - a.o. the aforementioned articles by Allan N. Schore.
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These scientists I hold in special regard because of their fundamental
contribution to our understanding of traumatization and dissociation.
They show clearly how a lot of psychopathology can be traced back to
earlier traumatization.
And they provide a clear pathway to recovery and healing, in particular
for those who wrestle with dissociative disorders.
In all that they contributed to my insights on the central role of
connection in (recovery to) healthy living.
The observation that dependence of a counselee towards the counselor
can be (temporarily) a positive thing, becomes very apparent in one of
their articles.
Thereby they provide a good reframing of an often avoided aspect of
trauma counseling.
![voorblad van: The Haunted Self]](http://www.12accede.nl/accede_thehauntedself.jpg) |
For further reading:
Onno van der Hart, Ellert R.S. Nijenhuis en Kathy Steele, The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization, WW Norton, London/New York, 2006; ISBN 0 393 70401 7.
Onno van der Hart, Kathy Steele, Suzette Boon, Paul Brown, 'The treatment of traumatic memory: Synthesis, realization, integration', Dissociation, 6 (2/3), 1993, p.162-180.
Onno van der Hart, Ellert Nijenhuis, 'Generalized dissociative amnesia: episodic, semantic and procedural memories lost and found' (
Onno van der Hart, Rutger Horst, 'The Dissociation Theory of Pierre Janet' (
Onno van der Hart, Paul Brown, Bessel A. van der Kolk, 'Pierre Janet's Treatment of Post-traumatic Stress' (
Ellert R.S. Nijenhuis, Onno van der Hart, & Kathy Steele, 'Trauma-related Structural Dissociation of the Personality', Trauma Information Pages website, January 2004.
Onno van der Hart, Ellers R.S. Nijenhuis en Kathy Steele, 'Dependency in the Treatment of Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative Disorders', Journal of Trauma and Dissociation, 2 (4), p.79-116.
Babette Rothschild, well-known by her book, The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment, has taught me a lot about the relationships between bodily sensations and trauma and trauma counseling. I also appreciate her clarity when explaning vicarious traumatization of counselors by listening to their traumatised counselees, or transference and counter-transference. She has a good way of keeping us, therapists, in touch with our ordinary 'common sense'.
For further reading:
Babette Rothschild, The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment, WW Norton, New York, 2000.
An interview with her, from: Psychotherapy in Australia, Vol. 8, no. 2, February 2002.
Babette Rothschild, 'Applying the brakes', Counseling Psychotherapy Journal (about the importance of first learning to handle traumatic memories, separating past and present and return to the present, before stimulating their appearance; also here).
--------, 'Making Trauma Therapy Safe: The Body as Resource for Braking Traumatic Acceleration ', Self and Society, May 1999.
--------, 'Mirror, Mirror: Our Brains are Hardwired for Empathy', Psychotherapy Networker, Sept/Oct 2004.
--------, 'Understanding Dangers of Empathy', Psychotherapy Networker, July/August 2002 (on vicarious traumatisation).
--------, 'Transference & Countertransference: A Common Sense Perspective', Energy and Character, Vol.25, no. 2, September 1994.
![[Cover of: Generation to Generation]](accede_fgen2gen.gif) |
The systems-approach of family therapy and Edwin H. Friedman's intergenerational views as well as Ivan Boszormenyi Nagy's contextual views of counseling have elaborated further on the concept that we are intrinsically connected beings. Without understanding e.g. Nagy's concepts of 'invisible loyalties' or that of 'entitlement', a lot of pastoral help would be a lot more cumbersome (b.t.w.: I also appreciated Jim Wilder's different angle in his little section on entitlement in Ch.4 -p.40-41- of The Stages of a Man's Life - see above).
Also the Pesso-therapy (or: Pesso Boyden System Psychomotor as it is officially called), as developed by Albert Pesso and Diane Boyden-Pesso, assumes a relational view on human nature. Albert Pesso and Diane Boyden-Pesso added to that their experience with body work (they had a background in dance and choreography). The result is a form of therapy from which I certainly adopted some elements.
For further reading:
Edwin H. Friedman, Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue, The Guilford Press, New York, 1985.
An arbitrary article that illustrates some of Nagy's observations well: Wayne Peterson, RECONNECTING, University Baptist Church Devotional, Adult II Sunday School Department, May 23, 1999.About the Pesso therapy a lot of materials are available. A very useful article I found the one by John S. Crandell: 'Pesso System/ Psychomotor and Object Relations Theory', on the relationship between 'Pesso' and the object relations theory that is related to Bowlby's attachment theories, I found in: Albert Pesso & John Crandell (eds.), Moving Psychotherapy - Theory and Application of Pesso System/ Psychomotor Therapy, Brookline Books, 1991; ISBN 0-914797-72-7.
Transactional analysis - as introduced by Thomas Harris and Eric Berne - has given me a basis and a vocabulary for conceptualizing and talking creatively and respectfully about the internal working models of myself and my counselees in terms of internal parents, children and adults and their effective or ineffective interactions. This served as a basis for further thinking on 'inner child' issues, 'games people play', etc.
For further reading:
Thomas A. Harris, I'm ok, you're ok, Harper and Row, New York / Evanston, 1967).
Eric Berne, Games People Play, Grove Press, New York.
Eric Berne, Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy - A Systematic Individual and Social Psychiatry, Ballantine Books (Grove Press), New York, 1961.
Claude M. Steiner, Scripts People Live - Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts, Grove Press, New York, 1974 / Bantam Books, London/New York/ Toronto, 1975.
The metaphor from this: 'A Warm Fuzzy Tale' is available on the web.Claude M. Steiner, Emotional Literacy - Intelligence with a Heart, webdocument, 2002 (extensive revision and update of: Claude Steiner & Paul Perry, Achieving Emotional Literacy: A Personal Program to Increase your Emotional Intelligence, Avon Books, 1979).
Jut Meininger, Success through Transactional Analysis, Signet - New American Library, New York, 1973; ISBN: 0451126378 / 0451058984.
Stephen B. Karpman, Fairy Tales and Script Drama Analysis (
I think I would not have the listening skills I have without attending
a kind of 'active listening seminar', back in the 1980-ies.
I still feel indebted to Thomas Gordon, who came with this idea, wrote
books about it and founded this 'movement' of Parent Effectiveness
Training seminars and all its descendants.
I have seen families change for the better after the parents started to
listen to and affirm their children as adviced by Gordon.
I do realize though, that many of the concepts of good listening
can be traced further back.
People like Carl Rogers, amongst others, have done some groundbreaking
foundational work here!
For further reading:
Thomas Gordon, P.E.T. families: problems, insights and solutions in parent effectiveness training, Effectiveness Training Itnl, Solana Beach USA, 1976/79.
Thomas Gordon, P.E.T. Parent Effectiveness Training, Effectiveness Training Itnl, Solana Beach USA, 1970.Child Trends Inc. has investigated, for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, what the common traits of successfull families are. The outcome? Communication is at the top of the list. Read it all at Identifying Successful Families: An Overview of Constructs and Selected Measures, by Maria Krysan, Kristin Moore and Nicholas Zill.
Bowlby (see above) saw that early experiences lead to a certain view on life.
He spoke of 'working models', later also the terms: 'life scripts' and
'schemas' have been suggested.
One of the tasks of a counselor or therapist is to help change these
cognitive and affective 'schemas'.
Jeffrey E. Young has focused on this - at least: on the cognitive part -
in his schematherapy,
that is applied quite broadly these days.
Also for non-professional pastoral counselors it can be useful to
pay some attention to these 'schemas'.
For further reading:
J.E. Young, J.S. Klosko, Reinventing Your Life - The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior... And Feel Great Again, Plume Books.
The site of Schematherapy features several sheet presentations: Reinventing Your Life (accompanying the book by Jeffrey Young, & Janet Klosko), Schema Therapy - Basic Concepts, Schema Therapy: Assessment & Education, and: Schema Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder.
Last but certainly not least there are the postmodernists, like the Narrative Therapists Michael White and David Epston. Because I observe that not many people are familiar with this, I will say a little more about this here. Together with some feminist scholars these postmoderns have rightfully (as I see it) demonstrated a big issue in traditional, secular, 'modern' thinking about psychology and counseling.
'Modern' (as opposed to the post-modern) psychology is for a large part strongly based on Greek and 'enlightenment' humanist (materialist) thinking. It seeks improvement away from God and has made the human cognitive faculties its idol (compare Descartes' Cogito ergo sum). It wants to 'fix' by 'analysis' - using the mind, it wants to reason and to persuade by the power of the mind; to control via the mind. An essential ingredient is positivism or technocracy - the idea that we can and will control all things and change them for the better. Another is reductionism - in order to give a feeling of control over the real world, a strongly reduced image of it is made which is or at least seems to be controllable. This 'modern' psychology stresses 'proper diagnosis' (cf. the DSM-series) and makes the psychologist a kind of unique 'expert' - thus disempowering the counselee.
The benefit of these postmodern 'narrative therapists' is that they have a way of leading us back to reality. Reality is more complex than we will ever be able to control. The stories of people's lifes are similarly multi-faceted and offer - when carefully explored - in themselves a lot of answers to the problems they may be facing. A lot more can be said about this. I refer to the literature as given below and the references therein.
Besides, they also have - as representatives of social constructionism - put the relational side of our being more central again (for more on this, confer to the article by John Shotter).
What I learned from them were new ways to treat counselees with dignity. To listen to their multi-threaded, multidimensional stories with new interest and curiosity. To help seek in the wealth of experience of themselves for clues ('alternative stories') to the problems faced. To 'externalise' some of the problems that plague them. To seek for applicable allegories and use the power of story creatively.
Speaking of using the power of story creatively, I appreciate Mooli Lahad's Six Piece Story Method - a creative as well as brief method for a first assessment of pathologies and strengths in counselees.
And the idea of seeing life as a 'story', influenced by other 'stories', gives me a new understanding of the enormeous impact of the many stories we read or watch (on tv, for example). I got a new appreciation of the narrative nature of the Bible - the greatest Storybook ever. Becoming more selective in the stories we engage in at a conscious level, can help us stay on track. After all, there is One: our Creator, Who says He is the final Author (or Editor) of our faith - and thus, of our life story (cf. Hebr.12:2 NIV and Jer.29:11). Who better to consult to change our life story for the better than Him?
I have observed a great parallel between White & Epston's 'Therapeutic writing' or 'Re-authoring therapy' and the apostle Paul's pastoral, affirmational ways of writing. Both affirm in a most respectful wording the strengths or contributions of the other - often amidst difficult circumstances. This also fits very well in with the positive basic attitude that I personally learned from Téo van der Weele and his co-worker Maaike Schalk. What I mean is the attitude that is apparent in what survivors of sexual abuse often get to hear in their talks with Téo: "Congratulations, you have gone through a lot of trauma and yet, you have not become crazy!" (cited from the website of the publisher of one of Téo's Dutch books; my translation). With great joy have I seen the fruitfulness of such an attitude and of this kind of re-framing of ugly experiences in my own counseling practice.
For further reading:
For good introductions to Narrative Therapy, see: the web-article by Alice Morgan: What is narrative therapy?, a schematic introduction to Narrative Therapy by Michael White himself, or: a brief intro on Narrative Therapy as described by the Dulwich Centre, on the Virtual Faculty site of A. Lock.
My first and very pleasant encounter with Narrative Therapy was through the article: Frank Baird, A narrative context for conversations with adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse, Progress - Family Systems Research and Therapy, 1996, Vol. 5, Encino CA: Phillips Graduate Institute, pp.51-71 (in
On Social Constructionism, see: John Shotter, The social construction of our 'inner' lives; do note the significant quote from M.M. Bakhtin).
An analysis of the different metaphores of various family-psychotherapeutic and pastoral models, from a christian viewpoint, is the subject of Metaphores, Models, Paradigms, and Stories in Family Therapy (a PDF document that can be read with Adobe Reader™), by Alvin C. Dueck of Fuller University, in: H. Vande Kemp, (Ed), Family therapy: Christian perspectives, Baker Book House, Grand Rapids Mich, 1991, pp.175-207.
Mooli Lahad's Six Piece Story Method for assessment of pathologies and strengths in counselees, is briefly explained here on Kim Dent-Brown's website.
Nancy Davis has written some nice Therapeutic Stories.
About re-authoring your life story, or helping a counselee with that task, see: David Epston, Michael White and Kevin Murray, 'A proposal for a re-authoring therapy: Rose's revisioning of her life and a commentary' in: Therapy as social construction, Sheila McNamee, Kenneth J. Gergen (Eds.), Sage Publ., London (GB) etc.
For the reference to Paul's way of writing, see e.g. 1 Cor.1:4-9; 2 Cor.1:3-5,15-16,24; Gal.4:14; 5:7a; Eph.1:1--3:21; especially 1:15; 2:8,20,22; Filip.1:3-7,19; 4:1; Col.1:3-6,8; 2:5-6; etc.With regard to my critique about modernism, you might also have a look at: Jeffrey Satinover, The empty self - C.G. Jung and the Gnostic transformation of modern identity, Hamewith Books, Westport Connecticut USA, 1996, or what Leanne Payne says about Jung and modern gnosticism. You may also want to check out Paul C. Vitz's extensive web-book: Sigmund Freud's Christian Unconscious.
This list is far from complete.
There's so much creativity God has given to us...
However, I hope I have given you a few new ideas on alternative ways to
look at situations.
I will update this list at regular intervals, a.o. adding more links to
other materials on the web.
So do come back later, if you whish, to check for these additions or
amendments.
And do not forget that we ourselves, in the hands of the great Cook,
are the best 'ingredients' He can use - just allow Him to do as He pleases!
(With thanks to John Chisum's relaxed and yet
profound Lessons in A Kingdom Kitchen
for this latter side of the kitchen metaphor.)
When I look at the list above, I see these approaches have, in fact, helped me to see and deal with a number of needs of the counselees that have entrusted themselves and their situations to me.
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There is the need for safety
and for connectedness with God (Who is the ultimate Source of safe
connection), an answer to which I encountered in the Bible itself, in
Téo van der Weele's Powerful Peace concept and his concept
of sharing God's Presence and Shalom through the act of blessing.
I also see it in Leanne Payne's teachings on practicing the presence of God.
Experiencing safety also is linked to experiencing that God or a safe authority figure (like good parents in the life of a small child) is 'in control'. Such 'being in control' is sometimes signified through singing or humor. I think that is (part of) why humor or singing can have such a therapeutic effect. I also encounter this in Henri Nouwen's first experiences of working together with mentally handicapped people - it took some of the 'theological weight' off his original approach and made him more 'human'. |
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There is the deep need for
grace, for restoration, for hope, for a new perspective and a new
life, as only Jesus and His crucifixion and resurrection provides.
As He took the penalty of our rebellious separation from God on the cross,
He made a way for us to become intimately connected to God, to each other
and to ourselves again.
Besides that, He can identify with our sufffering as He underwent the
worst suffering ever.
The fact that He conquered even death, not just then and there but also
here and now, and the fact that He will come again in glory and restore
everything to His purpose, is the most hope giving message I can think of.
In this, I learned much from Leanne Payne and through her
Pastoral Care Ministry schools.
Through her work and that of her colleagues, I got a new symbolism that
helped me face traumatic content in my own memory as well as empathize more
effectively with the traumas of my counselees and friends. |
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There is the need of 'being
heard', of 'being given space', that is
addressed in the works of people like Anna Terruwe and Lewis Smedes as well
as in the approach of the narrative therapists and in Thomas Gordon's
active listening seminars & books.
Many others have similarly pledged for the sake of survivors of serious abuse or neglect and how it is vital that they are given the opportunity to talk about all that happened - however gruesome it may be. This builds further on the previous issues: The concept of Powerful Peace has given me a way to help people to allow these terrible memories to surface and experience peace at the same time (what Téo calls: 'the stereo experience'). The Cross is a powerful symbol of Jesus coming into our 'pit', and taking all the pain, as well as a great symbol for God's anger over the sin of abusers. This creates space for the abused to talk about that what God has demonstrated to be so terrible as to have His Son die for it on a cross. |
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Important is also our need to
learn how to live with the existence of good and bad in this world.
Brokenness is a reality in this world, and so are darkness, pain,
unfulfilled dreams & desires, etc.
Many times these things are not removed from us - not even when we devote
our lives to God.
The person living with God may even see more brokenness as it contrasts
so heavily with the peace and light of God.
In the meantime, the encounter with any form of brokenness can be very
challenging for those who experienced life-threatening aspects of brokenness
earlier in life, as is the case with those who suffered any forms of severe
abuse, early childhood neglect, etc. (psychologists sometimes speak of
Post Traumatic Stress in this case - see the articles by Bessel van der
Kolk and others on this topic).
We have to resolve the inner tension we experience in the midst of
brokenness, and come to grips that we are not helplessly given over to the
waves that swept us away in the past.
Téo van der Weele's concept of the 'stereo experience' has helped me
a great deal in this. In the 'stereo experience', one side of us is
experiencing the brokenness, while the other side is listening to the peace
of Jesus.
I have also compared it to standing in the sea at the shore, your feet
firmly 'rooted' on the rock below the water.
There is the water - unsteadily going up and down, but the solid ground
remains fixed.
As long as I do not go in too deep, I can always put my feet down on that
solid ground and prevent being swept away by the waves.
John Townsend (in Hiding from love) has a good chapter on resolving
the good and bad in ourselves and others, too. |
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The need for
dignity is great where there was neglect, abuse, being treated as
worthless dirt, or taken for granted, et cetera, with their associated
feelings of shame, powerlessness and infirmity.
The reality of a God Who takes us into His family, Who regards us
as worthy of His love and care - as mediated to us either directly or
through the care of an empathic friend or counselor - already is a source
of dignity itself.
I learned from this most by reading the Gospels and paying special attention
to the way Jesus communicated with the people around Him.
The Psalms also were a great source for me here.
But also Téo van der Weele's teachings and those of Lewis Smedes
implicitly speak of great dignity.
Henri Nouwen's concept of the wounded healer spoke to me about
dignity in a special way - both my own dignity despite past wounds and
faults, and on how to impart dignity to counselees and others with whom I
am in contact.
There is dignity in the experience of being a wounded healer - an
'experienced worker' who is more easily trusted by other survivors because
'he has been there too' and can identify with their pain. In this way,
experiences of woundedness change from being a source of shame and
separation into a source of dignity and connection.
Seeing others as 'experts' on their own life - a concept advocated particularly by a number of post-moderns - also returns to them some dignity. |
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The need for identity, for
'a sense of being', is adressed very adequately in the approach and
seminars of Leanne Payne.
The Biblical notion of the social nature of identity and our innate need for
spiritual as well as human connection has fortunately been recognized by many
in the last decades: the writings of John Bowlby as well as postmodern
social constructionists are worth mentioning here. Identity formation simply
cannot take place without adequate safe, empathic and attenive connection.
Too long have anti-Christian modernistic tendencies of individualism reigned
and spread their poison.
It is time for a new Christian psychotherapeutic setting, where this need for
connection is acknowledged and where there is place for warmth in stead of
'professional distance'. I love to re-read what Anna Terruwe wrote about this
already decades ago. And in this respect I love Isaiah's credo too:
"You have taught me to speak as pupils do" [i.e. asking questions,
not taking an 'I am the expert' stance].
David Seamands and Lewis Smedes also uncovered our natural tendency to 'perform' in order to earn the love and gain the affirmation we craved and needed for our identity formation. The antidote of God's grace, giving us peace to just 'be', is just another aspect of what we need in this respect. |
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In order to learn and receive these things, and
in order to grow, there is also a great need for good
role models - people who show Gods love in a unity of their life.
The broken life is characterized by division. Sometimes the outside looks
nice and pretty, what is being said sounds good, but broken people feel
the lack of unity and depth in it all. There is so much untrustworthyness
and hypocrisy - also amongst Christian leaders. Then, there is an enormeous
need to see that unity - in the way it can be seen in God, for God is
One, as the Jewish creed rightly says. |
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There is the need for being
empowered, for a new sense of power and ability.
This is closely linked to the need for being heard, as described above.
The fact that God listens to us, as illustrated in a counselor actively
listening to us and taking serious what we say, already is a most empowering
experience.
Another form of empowerment I found in the way David Augsburger couples
emotions of anger - often a source of shame and withdrawal in silence - to
the concepts of love, care, justice and dignity. |
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That brings me to still another need: that of dealing adequately with our
emotions. Above, I already mentioned anger.
Grief is another 'difficult emotion' in our western culture.
A Bible study I did, several years ago, about Jesus weeping with Mary in her
grief over her deceased brother Lazarus, was most helpful to me, as it showed
so clearly how Jesus actively and openly acknowledged Mary's emotions.
Yes, the Bible - God's Words of Love and Wisdom - remains for me the ulimate Source of revelation on Christian Counseling and all that is involved. |
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For more information, or your reaction to the above, you can contact me via e-mail: andre.roosma@12accede.nl.
André H. Roosma