I thought ....

I thought I had to be ideal

perfect, never disappointing I thought that otherwise I wasn’t worth any love whatsoever that otherwise, there would be no hope for me

I felt ....
I felt that I fell short

that they had expected much more after all – they had invested so much in me I felt that I was also hurting others inflicting pain, sometimes, till deep in their soul

then I saw ....

– as by a miracle –

in my brokenness

in His presence I was allowed to be like I was – broken and all He said: "Come, give Me all that pain, all those shortcomings" silently, I huddled myself against Him sensing how His warmth penetrated my body how my muscles relaxed
my heart became quiet

now I know ....
I am allowed to be who I am
walking quietly as a child by His hand

lavishing myself on the loving smile on His face now it’s His concern that I fully reach my goal but not only with me but also with all those around me He wants to go that way
I don’t have to push – nor to pull either quietly, I may look what He is doing, offering myself as a willing vassal