We need being attached to a loving God

– the signs demonstrate it clearly

André H. Roosma

2025-11-30

In this article I will illustrate that we need being attached to the loving God of the Bible. The Bible says HE IS LOVE (1 John 4:7-21). He not only acts lovingly every now and then, no, HE IS LOVE - it's His being, His Character to Love us. The Bible says also that nothing can separate us from His great Love (Romans 8). He send His Son Jesus (Yeshu‘a) to save us, and to reconcile us with Him, when we were still alienated and far from Him, yeah even sinners, living as His enemies (Romans 5:8-11). His Name, יהוה in post-Babylonian Hebrew, best represented in our script as IAUA or YaHUaH,¹ signifies that it is His ultimate Character to BE THERE for and with us. That makes Him the ultimate Secure Attachment Figure.

And that's what we need. What we are learning more and more these days, from the Bible, from development psychology and from Neurology, is the importance of being securely attached - to God, others and ourselves. In secure attachment to a secure attachment figure, he or she provides the blueprints for our deep brain to feel confident and loved and to find ways out of hard feelings. The result is that we feel accepted and loved and get a sense of belonging and direction. Without proper attachments, we not only feel lonely², even our brain cannot develop and function as it is meant to be. Yes, even our brain works better to make the right and loving decisions, do good, feel worthy, learn new skills, et cetera.³

The God of the Bible longs to be such a Secure Attachment Figure for us.⁴ The Bible says Jesus cried over the inhabitants of Yerushalaim because they rejected Him as the Protector He offered to be for them (Mat.23:37-39; Luke 13:34; 19:41-44). Jesus (Yeshu‘a) came to save us from our isolation, He came to re-connect us, to reconcile us to God, the Father, YaHUaH. It's not a matter of a few specific transgressions of some 'law'. He came to take away the deep seated alienation and enmity towards God out of our heart. When we really see His love, how Yeshu‘a took it all on Himself there on the cross of Calvary, how can we not be moved by His superb Love, and surrender?

And yes, surrendering ourselves to God in awe about Who He is and about His love, is the essence of Life as it was meant to be. Some time ago I analysed the old word for to live, to breathe, and to be, that Moses will have used when He wrote the original version of the Torah: HaWaH or HUaH. In the script from that time⁵ it was written with three letters/pictures as follows: . So it consists of drawings of two people with bent knees and their hands in the air, and a tent pin in between.
Someone with the hands up in the air has been the symbol of surrender, joy, wonder and worship, since ancient times – also in the Middle East. Between those two human figures is a picture of a tent pin - the symbol of connection, connectedness and therefore also of security. To live in the ancient Hebrew sense is therefore closely associated with surrender, wonder, rejoicing, worship / praise to God. And all that, in close connection with each other.
Let that sink in for a moment. The Biblical understanding of life or to be, exists in surrendering, wonder, adoration and joy; and that as people together, in connectedness.⁶

In that adoration, surrender and worship - in unity - we grow towards Him, we come to our destiny. We find harmony, rest and shalom - peace and wholeness. God is not only our Savior and Comforter. He is also our Creator - He deserves all our adoration and worship. And He deserves that we listen to Him as He calls us to come into His presence, have our hearts filled with His Love, and find true shalom.

Isn't this exactly what we need today?

What I see today, in our socially engineered society, is that we want everything to be 'fine' and everybody to be happy. In the imaginary world of advertisements and social media many portray themselves as successful, happy, 'fine', healthy and 'in control'. We are not used to accepting what is not perfect and what we cannot control. We don't want to accept that there is vulnerability and suffering. People become anxious when not everything is perfect.⁷
Departure from God and Christian foundations led to losing the most important Person Who can be in our life. That is a terrible loss! Next to that, it also led to a loss of absolute truths, certainties and fixed patterns. Further exacerbated by postmodernism, people lost a lot of certainties and values, ideas about roles, et cetera. Everybody now has to find their own way in a sea of opinions, and preferably very quickly! You have to find your own ways, but at the same time you don't want to end up outside the group (what is called the Fear of Missing Out!). People lost a sense of value, love and belonging. Relationships became much more fragile. The result of all of this is that some psychologists label our society as highly stressed, hyper-nervous or even schizophrenic or something like that.⁸

Apart from societal development, there is the personal side. Some people may thrive on being able to choose their own way, but that doesn't count for most. We live in a broken world. Many of us have endured hardship or traumatic experiences that make us insecure and fearful to choose between the many options available amidst all other uncertaicies. Some may react by withdrawal, others by trying to control their circumstances and the people around them. Anyway, we do our best to avoid all brokenness, pain and suffering. We have a hard time accepting that we live in a broken world. I even see a lot of Christians who totally ignore the spiritual war we live in as well as their own brokenness, and rather put on a mask of being invulnerable, independent and 'strong in faith', than to face opposition, brokenness, illness, pain, suffering, and so forth. Because we are created for relationship, avoidance of connection and intimacy leads to isolation, loneliness and loss of dignity and loss of a sense of worthiness. The anxiety and the search to avoid hardship often gets deeply engrained in the limbic system in our brain. From there, it guides more of our behavior than we often dare to acknowledge. The result is that - totally against our conscious will¹ - our brokenness sows more brokenness; our old pain causes new pain in others.⁹
And too often pain is not healed but rather numbed or 'medicated' by what is being denoted by the acronym BEEPS (Behaviors - like gambling or excessive exercise; Events & Experiences - emotionally charged times, situations or activities; People - Relationships with people that are used to regulate emotions, which can become unhealthy or codependent; and Substances - drugs, alcohol, or other addictive substances).¹⁰
All this has us living in what is called 'survival mode'- a state where our mind is not fully working, where actions are guided from instincts or an 'auto pilot' from our 'deep brain' - often based on negative experiences.

In this situation enters Brené Brown, with her message that we need the courage to dare to go against the inclination of self-conservation and social engineering and allow ourselves (and others) to be vulnerable.¹¹ Only in vulnerability we can truly feel, give and receive love, and live to the full, she says. And it is obvious that she is right; she did her research very well. But, ooh, how do we get there? What could give us the courage to give up our false sense of security in hiding, what could make us give up our masks of 'everything is okay'? I see no other way than to be immersed in the great Love of God.

Where to go from here?

From the above, it is obvious, I think: somehow, we need to find a new anchor, a stable rock amidst the sea of uncertainties that surrounds us and that so often overwhelms us, so that we can relax. We need to become comfortable with the idea that this current world we live in is far from perfect, yeah, that even we, ourselves, are far from perfect. But then, that deep fear shows up: if we are less than perfect, will we still be accepted? Will we still be loved and belong? Will people still like us? And God? Will we still be considered worthy?

Is there another basis for acceptance and worthiness and security of being loved, outside 'perfect' performance? Yes there is.
It is not to be found in yet another 'perfect theology'. It's only in a deep Love relationship, in a solid attachment to God and others. Like I said earlier: God YaHUaH wants to be that ultimate Rock, the stable Secure Attachment Figure who we need so desperately. He wants to give us rest and a hopeful future. He desires to shelter us and guide us through all the storms of life, by His Spirit.¹²

There are a few steps we have to take to experience Him as such more and more, and as that ultimate Secure Attachment Figure who we need so desperately. That old verb - HaWaH / HUaH helps me to see the way.

First, we need to acknowledge God in awe for Who He is: the powerful Creator, the great King of the universe, Who deserves our awe and admiration, Who loves us beyond our understanding, Who cares about us as a loving Father, Who wants to guide us through His Spirit as a Good Shepherd, Who is glad to receive us into His Family. Paul wrote to the Church in Rome (Rom.1:18-) that all the failures of the world around them (including confused thinking, gender confusion and homosexual life) were due to a neglect to acknowledge God for Who He is. When we surrender in awe and wonder about Who He is, we thrive & florish. When we refuse that, we go astray.

Second, we need to receive His unfathomable Love deep into our hearts. That's not a one-time thing, but a daily one. Believe He IS LOVE; dwell in His Love. Be warmed by it. Slow down to receive, take sufficient times of rest. Allow Him to become at home in our hearts (Eph.3: 14-19), so that our trust and intimacy can grow, so that our relationship can grow. As that happens, our love and awe towards Him will grow as well. In our attachment to Him, we find our destiny. Not so much in trying hard to live a spotless life. More in that unique relationship. That we have to have everything in order by ourselves is a big fat lie. We need Him, every hour of our life. And He is there. It's His Character, His Name to be there. When we will receive more of His Love and joy, it will help us to come to surrender ourselves and live more for and with Him.

And yes, there is more. Practical steps will follow. We have to learn new coping mechanisms and ways to deal with difficult emotions, so that we are not drawn away from Him by circumstances or feelings. We overcome, not by draining hard feelings in ever more stimuli, but by taking them serious in what they tell us about ourselves. When we talk about them with God and others, God's Spirit and those others will help us find us new ways, form new habits - all from the inside out.

Somewhere in this process, we also have to learn to resist some personal as well as social pressures: the pressure to always want to feel cozy, to please everybody or to perform on the outside, the strife for outside perfection. Settle for 'good enough' instead of 'perfect'. Look at the deep peace He is willing to give us. Look at the bright - eternal - future He has in store for us.
Related to that is the practice of gratitude. In survival-mode we can be so absorbed by watching and noticing all that isn't 'perfect' yet, that we forget to be thankful to God for Who He is, and for all that He has already given us. But when we start practicing gratitude to God and to the people we are in contact with on a daily basis, it will transform our hearts and minds. In his letter to the christians in Filippi, Paul exhorted them to pray with thanksgiving, adding the promise that the shalom of God would then guard their hearts and minds. And how difficult is it, really? Remembering all that God did for us out of His great Love, by sending His only Son to this earth (John 3:16), reconciling us to Himself, etc. And how He gives us life, daily...

Another important step is: be open to His sweet promptings in your heart. Too long, churches have taught that God would no longer speak to us. That we have to make do with the words He gave in the Bible. But that is not what Jesus said. He said that His sheep would know and listen to His voice (John 10:3-4,16,27).

Make yourself more accustomed with a daily walk with God. A great way to do that is via the Immanuel Approach for healing and for daily living, as developed in the USA by Dr Karl Lehman and Dr E. James Wilder. It is a great way to get used to regular encounters with God, to get to know Him better day by day and to receive healing in the personal and societal brokenness that we may experience.¹³ It is a one to one prayer process of connecting deeply and personally with Jesus and removing barriers to an intimate, interactive lifestyle together with Him and God the Father. It illuminates a path to healing and a deeper communion with God. It also helps a lot to get more attached to Him, and if we practice it together with others, also to others and to ourselves. In stead of numbing our attachment pain, this approach helps us to share it with Jesus, receive healing, and grow spiritually and emotionally. An important ingredient is regular practice of gratitude towards God as mentioned above. The people of Israel had to come to Jerushalaim regularly to commemorate what God had done and to celebrate together. Practicing joy together is important! Associated with this approach are things we can do to calm our nervous system via the vagus nerve, a key part of the parasympathetic nervous system.
All this leads us away from the anxiety that so easily keeps us hostage in survival mode, and leads us toward the HaWaH / HUaH Life together with God and others.

Lastly, there is another important observation from development psychology and neurology that I want to give attention here - one that is less known. It is that attachment grows through storms and difficulties. It doesn't grow when everything goes smoothly all the time. It grows when ruptures, conflicts and difficulties occur. After a good repair, the attachment becomes stronger than it ever was before. So, there is no need to try to circumvent nervously that we ever make a mistake. No need for perfectionism. Just staying humble and acknowledge it when we fail, is enough.

Footnotes:

¹	The glorious Name of God I represent here as accurately as possible from the oldest Hebrew original, instead of replacing this glorious personal Name of The Most High by a common word, such as ‘Lord’. For more background information see: André H. Roosma, ‘The wonderful and lovely Name of the God Who was there, Who is there, and Who will be there’ , extensive Accede! / Hallelu-YaH! study, July 2009. See also the other articles on the significant Name of God, on the articles page there.
²	A recent study by the RIVM (Rijksinstituut voor Volksgezondheid en Milieu - Governmental Institute for Health and Environment) concludes that almost half of all Dutch men aged 18 years and older, experiences loneliness. Accoring the CBS (Centraal Bureau voor de statistiek; Dutch Central Bureau for Statistics) suicide is the most common cause of death among Dutch men 30-35 years of age. Source: MetroNieuws.nl.
³	Further, see: André H. Roosma (NL) & E. James Wilder (USA), ‘The love of Immanuel - tuning in to Him as the basis for life, recovery and growth , English version of an Immanuel Lifestyle article.
⁴	See a.o. the article in the previous note, and: Family Life and Personality Development - some notes on how we were meant to grow up and develop; Connectedness and Attachment - some observations (a.o. by development psychologists) - Part 1. and Part 2.; and: Attachment: Key to Healthy Living through Adequate Affect Regulation - how all kinds of psychopathology can be traced back to a lack of affect regulation skills that arise from insecure or broken attachment;
⁵	This script preceded the Paleo-Hebrew script, that preceded the Aramean script we know from the Bible books of the First Testament as transmitted to us. It is called (Old) West-Semitic, because it dates back to the time of Abraham, when the West-Semitic languages (including Hebrew and Aramaic) had not grown apart yet. The script is known from engravings in rocks and drawings on potshards in the area where Abraham and Israel have stayed: from Syria to Egypt, Sinai and Israel. I was fortunate to discover that it is originally a picture script (pictographic script) and discover of many of its pictures which associations one had with it at that time. For more information, see: my 4-page Hallelu-YaH Draft Working Document ‘introduction to my research on the West-Semitic and Paleo-Hebrew scripts - used by the Patriarchs, Moses and the kings of Israel’ , and: the Hallelu-YaH Draft Research Report: ‘The Written Language of Abraham, Moses and David – A study of the pictographic roots and basic notions in the underlying fabric of the earliest Biblical script’ , a living document by André H. Roosma, 1^st English version: 18 April 2011 (Dutch original: January 2011).
⁶	God is not finished with us before we fully re-discover that life revolves around being joyfully in awe about God YaHUaH and connected with others (for details about this, see my article: ‘HaWaH-Life – To live like God YaHUaH intended it’, Oct.2024, see also: ‘Life, security and belonging in joyful adoration, from the hand of God’ , Hallelu-YaH, Jan. 2011). Then we will be in shalom, both mentally and emotionally! Then we will be full in our humanity, as God intended us to be. In sync with Jesus, our character will start to reflect more and more of His graceful Personality!
⁷	The Flemish psychiatrist Dirk de Wachter has made it almost his life-work to bring this to our attention. He says we idealize happiness and don't want to face sorrow. But we have to. Similar views have been uttered by the Jewish trauma & addiction expert Gabor Maté. There is some pseudo-joy that people seek, but not the deep joy of being deeply connected to a God Who is full of the real joy that we need, and not sharing that joy over the borders of generations. When we want the pseudo-joy that can give us that momentary 'kick' to last and give us that deep satisfaction we need, we are chasing an illusion.
⁸	See e.g. Finding our way out of the hyper-nervous society? ‘Time to pause and reflect on our basic human needs’, University of Leiden, 13 Oct.2025. Op de rem! - Voorbij de hypernerveuze samenleving - , De Raad voor Volksgezondheid & Samenleving, Den Haag 2025.
⁹	See Sandra D. Wilson, Hurt people hurt people – When your pain causes you to hurt those you love / Hope and healing for yourself and your relationships, Thomas Nelson, Nashville (TN, USA), 1993.
¹⁰	See e.g. The Life Model’s Approach to Addiction Recovery: Part 1 – The Relationship between Trauma, BEEPS, and Wholeness and Part 2 – The Journey from Pseudo-Joys to Joyful Identities.
¹¹	See: Brené Brown, Daring Greatly – How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Gotham / Penguin, 2012; ISBN 978 1 5924 0733 0. - Brené Brown, Rising Strong – The reckoning. The rumble. The revolution. / How the ability to reset transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead, Spiegel & Grau / Penguin Random House, 2012; ISBN 978 0 0919 5503 8 / 978 0 8129 8580 1. - Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness – The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, Random House, 2017; ISBN 978 0 8129 9584 8. See also: What connecting is all about, a very brief inspirational video by Brené Brown.
¹²	This is one of the beautiful aspects of the Immanuel approach as developed by Karl Lehman, James Wilder and others, both for recovery & healing from (childhood) trauma, and as a new style of living: the Immanuel lifestyle. See also the podcast: Attaching to God (All Episodes): A Neuroscience-Informed Spiritual Formation, YouTube. And: Cyd & Geoff Holsclaw, Landscapes of the Soul: How the Science and Spirituality of Attachment Can Move You into Confident Faith, Courage, and Connection Tyndale, 2025; ISBN 979 840050554 6. See also: 128 Why Therapists Are Reading "Landscapes of the Soul" (with Monica Mouer, LPCS)
¹³	See The Immanuel Approach website by Dr Karl Lehman. And www.kclehman.com. See also: E. James Wilder, Anna Kang, John Loppnow, Sungshim Loppnow, Joyful Journey – Listening to Immanuel, Shepherd's House, East Peoria IL USA, 2015; ISBN 978 1 935629 17 7. Karl D. Lehman, The Immanuel Approach - for Emotional Healing and for Life, Immanuel Publishing, Evanston (IL USA), 2016; ISBN: 978 0 9977719 0 9. Karl Lehman, Outsmarting Yourself: Catching Your Past Invading the Present and What to Do about It, This JOY! Books (Three Cord Ministries, Inc.), Libertyville (IL USA), 2011; ISBN: 978 0 9821835 9 5.

Thanks for your interest!

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For more information, or your reaction to the above, you can also contact me via e-mail: andre.roosma@12accede.nl.

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