Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded Helpers
Joined to a Healing God
|
Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded Helpers
Joined to a Healing God |
Connectedness and AttachmentSome Observations (2) |
2011-04-29This part is still 'under construction'. In a later version it will be elaborated much further.
This is a sequel to the introductory article on
Connectedness and Attachment where I
illustrated our deep need for connection from the literature.
As development psychologist John Bowlby has observed, we are born with an
attachment mechanism.
Later, various people have affirmed Bowlby's conclusion that
connectedness plays indeed a vital role "from the womb till the
grave".
This article will threat those findings with regard to adult attachment and
other more recent findings with regard to attachment in general.
 (some info added to
this section: 2003-02-14 and -17) |
The attachment styles as developed in early childhood (see
Part 1)
were discovered to often last throughout life.
A paper by Hazan and Shaver on this is generally considered as the most
seminal one: Cindy
Hazan, Phillip R. Shaver, Romantic Love Conceptualized as an Attachment
Process, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
52 (3), 1987, pp.511-524 (
very large pdf document:
82.7 MB!).
Summary:
"This article explores the possibility that romantic love is an attachment process - a biosocial process by which affectional bonds are formed between adult lovers, just as affectional bonds are formed earlier in life between human infants and their parents. Key components of attachment theory, developed by Bowlby, Ainsworth, and others to explain the development of affectional bonds in infancy, were translated into terms appropriate to adult romantic love. The translation centered on the three major styles of attachment in infancy - secure, avoidant, and anxious/ambivalent - and on the notion that continuity of relationship style is due in part to mental models (Bowlby's "inner working models") of self and social life. These models, and hence a person's attachment style, are seen as determined in part by childhood relationships with parents. Two questionnaire studies indicated that (a) relative prevalence of the three attachment styles is roughly the same in adulthood as in infancy, (b) the three kinds of adults differ predictably in the way they experience romantic love, and (c) attachment style is related in theoretically meaningful ways to mental models of self and social relationships and to relationship experiencees with parents. Implications for theories of romantic love are discussed, as are measurement problems and other issues related to future tests of the attachment perspective."
In a brief web-publication, Pizzurro gives a few aspects of
the three Bowlbian attachment styles and how they influence adult love
relationships, as treated in the above mentioned paper by Hazan and Shaver.
Richard J. Atkins also gives a 1-page
summary of the most important findings of the Hazan and Shaver paper.
The following is adapted from a brief web-article on Attachment Theory, based on the above mentioned work by Hazan & Shaver (1987):
Secure adults find it relatively easy to get close to others and are comfortable depending on others and having others depend on them. Secure adults don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to them.
Avoidant adults are somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; they find it difficult to trust others completely, difficult to allow themselves to depend on others. Avoidant adults are nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want them to be more intimate than they feel comfortable being.
Anxious / ambivalent adults find that others are reluctant to get as close as they would like. Anxious / ambivalent adults often worry that their partner doesn't really love them or won't want to stay with them. Anxious / ambivalent adults want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.
One of the hypothetical mechanisms that is used to describe this continuity of attachment styles, is the theory of 'internal working models' or 'scripts'. From his or her experiences, the child creates an internal working model of how the world functions. All new information is checked with this model. Conflicting information is adapted or discarded. In this way, the first ideas are ingrained and affirmed deeper and deeper. This would explain why children of abusive parents later often seek a similar abusive spouse: he or she acts in a somehow familiar way - a way that is consistent with the internal working model.
A few other works in this area that are worthwhile are:
R.C. Fraley, P.R. Shaver, Adult romantic attachment:
Theoretical developments, emerging controversies, and unanswered questions,
Review of General Psychology, 4, 2000, pp.132-154;
(
pdf document with figures at the end, 333 kB;
a pdf version with integrated figures is available
from ucdavis; though 4.4 MB large);
Romantic Love as an Attachment Process -
a summary of the 1987 Hazan and Shaver article.
R.C. Fraley, P.R. Shaver, Airport separations: A
naturalistic study of adult attachment dynamics in separating couples,
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 1998,
pp.1198-1212; ( scanned pdf document, about 4 MB).
Parts of the last paper are summarized in:
"Leavin' on a jet plane",
Psychology Today, May/June, 1999, p.14; and in:
Ayesha Court, A kiss is just a kiss? Maybe not...,
USA Today.
A list of more publications by Shaver is also
available.
In Transformations in Attachment Relationships in Adolescence: Adaptation Versus Need for Psychotherapy, Patricia M. Crittenden studies the very relevant transition from child attachment to adult attachment. Also available in Word format.
Peter Fonagy is another scientist who has done considerable research on
the influence of early attachment experiences on adult functioning.
His publications include:
Attachment and Borderline Personality Disorder:
A Theory and Some Evidence (document in .rtf format),
co-authored by Mary Target and George Gergely. This document demonstrates
how poor attachment is passed on from generation to generation.
The authors argue "that the capacity to develop mental representations
of mental states in self and other (reflective function) develops in the
context of attachment relationships and that disorganization of attachment
undermines this process.
Such disorganization can be associated with trauma but may also be linked to
other biological and psychosocial deficits.
Many of the clinical characteristics of borderline individuals may be seen
as consequences of disordered self-organization and a limited rudimentary
capacity to think about behaviour in mental state terms.
The relevance of this model for the practice of psychotherapy with this
group of patients is discussed."
Similar things are treated in:
Attachment, the development of the self, and its
pathology in personality disorders, in: Psychomedia;
Pathological Attachment and Therapeutic Action,
paper to the Developmental and Psychoanalytic Discussion Group,
American Psychoanalytic Association Meeting, Washington DC, 13 May 1999,
on the website of the Dallas Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology;
(also available from PsycheMatters)
and:
Transgenerational Consistencies of
Attachment: A New Theory, paper to the Developmental and Psychoanalytic
Discussion Group, American Psychoanalytic Association Meeting, Washington
DC, 13 May 1999.
That poor early attachment can lead to active abuse of others
in adult life is discussed in:
Male Perpetrators of Violence Against Women: An Attachment Theory
Perspective (document in .rtf format);
Attachment, Reflective Function, Conduct Disorders and
Violence (document in .rtf format); and:
Attachment in Infancy and the Problem of Conduct
Disorders in Adolescence: the Role of Reflective Function
(document in .rtf format).
To me, the extension theory of adult attachment has become a very helpful theory, as I have often recognized the attachment style of my counselees. This model then told me something about their earliest experiences - which often was in line with what I intuitively was 'hearing' from God in my spirit. On that background, I could choose my pastoral approach and attitude towards the counselee more effectively.
More recently, several people have stretched the attachment-research
considerably.
More insight has been gained in the far-reaching effects of
inappropriate or insufficient early attachment.
Symptoms like that of post traumatic stress, borderline behaviour
characteristics or severe forms of dissociation have been traced back to
social and emotional deprivation in early childhood.
New interest in the attachment concepts has spurred more people to
become involved.
I think of some excellent research work as carried out in the last
decade or so by several people.
One of them is Bessel A. van der Kolk - see for example his
paper:
The compulsion
to repeat the trauma - Re-enactment, revictimization and masochism
(originally published in: Psychiatric Clinics of
North America, Vol 12, Nr 2, June 1989, pp.389-411).
Though not focussed on attachment, I also want to include a few
references to other papers of his:
The body keeps the score:
Memory and the evolving psychobiology of post traumatic stress
and
The assessment and treatment of complex PTSD
(
a PDF document that can be read with Adobe
Reader™).
More articles by Van der Kolk and his colleagues can be found via Bessel Van der Kolk and Colleagues' Articles on the web - specially under the 'classics' heading, there are some very worthwhile papers.
Another scientist - sometimes nicknamed The American Bowlby or the
Einstein of Psychiatry and Neurology, which says a lot - is Allan N.
Schore, who has studied the interaction of early attachment with the
formation of the brain. See his papers:
The Effects of a Secure Attachment Relationship on Right
Brain Development, Affect Regulation, and Infant Mental Health
(originally published in: Infant Mental Health
Jl, 2001, 22, pp.7-66);
(added: 2003-02-03)
The Effects of Early Relational Trauma on Right Brain
Development, Affect Regulation, and Infant Mental Health (originally published in: Infant Mental Health Jl,
2001, 22, pp.201-269);
The Right Brain, The Right Mind, and
Psychoanalysis, in: Allan N. Schore, Affect Regulation and the
Repair of the Self, Guilford Press, 1994;
(added: 2004-05-01) and:
Dysregulation of the right brain: A fundamental mechanism of traumatic
attachment and the psychopathogenesis of posttraumatic stress disorder
(originally published in: Australian and New
Zealand Jl of Psychiatry, 2002, 36, pp.9-30).
His conclusion in this paper is very significant:
Disorganized-disoriented insecure attachment, a pattern common in infants abused in the first two years of life, is psychologically manifest as an inability to generate a coherent strategy for coping with relational stress. Early abuse negatively impacts the developmental trajectory of the right brain, dominant for attachment, affect regulation, and stress modulation, thereby setting a template for the coping deficits of both mind and body that characterize PTSD symptomatology. These data suggest that early intervention programs can significantly alter the intergenerational transmission of posttraumatic stress disorders.
See also:
An interview with Allan Schore - 'The American Bowlby',
July 9th 2001 and associated Suggested
readings (
both are PDF documents that can be read with
Adobe
Reader™).
Allan N. Schore, Affect Dysregulation & Disorders of the Self,
W.W. Norton & Company, New York / London, 2003; ISBN 0-393-704008-4 /
0-393-70406-8 / 0-393-704076.
Allan N. Schore, Effects of a Secure Attachment Relationship on Right
Brain Development, Affect Regulation, and Infant Mental Health (), Infant Mental
Health Jl., Vol. 22 (1-2), p. 7-66, 2001 (see also the Introduction at p.1-6 )
(added: 2005-05-01).
Allan N. Schore, Healthy Childhood and the Development of the Human Brain, Healthy
Children for the 21st Century, Int'l Conference organised by the
Healthy Children Foundation Luxembourg and sponsored by the World
Health Organization and others, Kirchberg, Luxembourg, 16-17 November
2000
(added: 2005-05-01).
In March 2002, Marianne Riksen-Walraven held her inaugural speech at
the Faculty of Social Sciences of Nijmegen University, the Netherlands: Wie het kleine niet eert... - over de grote invloed van
vroege sociale ervaringen (Who doesn't honour the little (ones)... -
on the strong influence of early social experiences; in Dutch)
(
a PDF document that can be read with Adobe
Reader™).
It includes a good set of references to the relevant literature - a.o. the
aforementioned articles by Allan N. Schore.
There's lot of material on the web that presents the findings of Allan
Schore and others in a more 'digested' way, applying them to psychotherapy.
Two relevant contributions of this kind that I found are:
Judy McLaughlin-Ryan, The Use of the Dyadic Affective-State
Relationship (ASR) in the Treatment of the Post-Traumatic Stress Disordered
Adult Molested as a Child, Trauma Response, The American Academy
of Experts in Traumatic Stress.
(added: 2004-05-03)
Karen Finch, How Does Psychotherapy Work? New Understandings from
Neuroscience, California Association of Marriage and Family
Therapists, East Bay Chapter.
(added: 2004-05-03)
The findings in attachment and brain research have also been translated into
advice on public policy and parenting. See e.g:
Neal Halfon, Ericka Shulman, Miles Hochstein, (Paul Simon, Anna Long,
Jonathan E. Fielding; Eds), 'Early Childhood Health
& Development - A Series of Policy Briefs Dedicated to Optimizing Early
Childhood Health and Development', County of Los Angeles Public
Health Policy Brief, Number 3, June 2000.
(added: 2004-05-03)
Mohammadreza Hojat, Development of Prosocial Behavior and Empathy In the Hand that Rocks the
Cradle, World Congress of Families III, Mexico, March 2004.
(added: 2004-05-03)
Over and over the findings of Bowlby have been reconfirmed as others
have studied and investigated the interactions of little children with
their primary caregivers.
E.g. in the area of the importance of the mother in the first year of a
child, I came across the following publication:
Matthew J. Neidell, Early Parental Time
Investments in Children's Human Capital Development: Effects of Time in
the First Year on Cognitive and Non-cognitive Outcomes (an alternatieve, publicly presented version is also
available), UCLA Department of Economics, August 23, 2000.
The author concludes that self-confidence / self-esteem and right brain
functioning is benefitting strongly from uninterrupted maternal care during
the first year.
(added: 2004-05-03)
Dependency and attachment seeking behaviour have often been considered
pejoratively as unhealthy.
In modernism, independence and autonomy are the norm.
In their excellent paper 'Dependency in the
Treatment of Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative
Disorders', Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart and Ellert R.S. Nijenhuis
discuss this issue and other related ones in a very thorough and careful
way.
They show how to hit the right balance, how to work with dependency and
very strong, unfulfilled attachment needs in the therapeutic practice.
Also the relationship between dependency and dissociation is discussed.
They include a phase-oriented therapeutic approach.
The article concludes with a good treatment of typical countertransference
patterns, often occurring when working with extremely dependent counselees.
The conclusion begins with a quote of Dalenberg: "as we encourage deep
and at times regressive and dependent relationships to develop, to
facilitate transference and therefore deeper change, we also implicitly
agree to honor the depth and felt life-saving quality of that
attachment".
Somewhat further it states: "Furthermore, the pathologizing of
dependency in much of the clinical literature is an impediment to a more
comprehensive understanding of the role and treatment of dependency in
traumatized patients.
This article has adhered to the literature that promotes dependency
as having both positive and negative aspects."
The following is a selection of books on connectedness, attachment and relationship, including books on getting connected and helping people find connectedness again. Boldface titles are specially recommended.
Rita Bennet, Making peace with your inner child, Fleming H. Revell, Old Tappan NJ USA / Kingsway, Eastbourne GB, 1987.
Signa Bodishbaugh, The Journey to Wholeness in Christ - A devotional adventure to becoming whole, Chosen Books / Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1997 (2nd printing, May 2000).
James Montgomery Boice, The sovereign God, Foundations of the Christian Faith - Vol. 1, IVP, Downers Grove Ill USA, 1978.
John Bowlby, A Secure Base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development, Basic Books (Perseus), New York USA, 1988 / Routledge (Taylor & Francis Books Ltd.), 1988; ISBN: 0-465-07597-5.
 |
John Bowlby, The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds, Tavistock, London / Routledge, an imprint of Taylor & Francis Books Ltd., London, 1979; ISBN: 0415043263 (Dutch translation by Netty van Lookeren Campagne-Taverne: Verbondenheid, Van Loghum Slaterus, NL, 1983).
Donald X. Burt, Friendship & Society - An Introduction to Augustine's
Practical Philosophy, William B. Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, MI, USA /
Cambridge, UK, 1999; ISBN 0-8028-4682-3.
Comment: Augustine's theology and philosophy revolved much around
the concept of connection - the theme of this and many other articles on
this website. The first chapter's title is quite revealing in this
context: The Human Predicament: Alienation and Affection.
Judson Cornwall and Michael S.B. Reid, Whose love is it anyway?, Sharon, Pilgrims Hatch Brentwood Essex GB, 1991.
Larry Crabb, Connecting - Healing for ourselves and our relationships; a radical vision, Word Publishing, Nashville Tennessee USA, 1997; (translated into Dutch by Rob van Stormbroek: Verbondenheid, Navigator Boeken / Medema, Driebergen / Vaassen, 1998).
Larry Crabb, Finding God, Zondervan, 1993.
Larry Crabb and Dan Allender, Encouragement, the key to caring, Zondervan Grand Rapids MI USA, 1984; (Dutch translation by Evert W. van der Poll: Bemoedigen doet goed - De pastorale opdracht van de gemeente, Navigatorboeken, Driebergen NL, 1995; ISBN: 9070656655).
Joy Dawson, Intimate Friendship with God - Through understanding the fear of the Lord, Fleming H. Revell, Old Tappan NJ, USA, 1986.
Nancy Groom, From bondage to bonding, escaping codependency, embracing Biblical love, Navpress, Colorado Springs, USA, 1991 (translated into Dutch by Marionne L. Lufting-Hijenga: Van moeten naar mogen - Herstel van relaties: van gebondenheid naar verbondenheid, Navigator Boeken, Driebergen NL, 2000).
Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror, Basic Books, Reprint edition, 1993; ISBN 0465087663; Rivers Oram Press/Pandora List edition, 1998; ISBN: 0863584047; (2001 edition: ISBN: 0863584306); (Dutch translation: Trauma en herstel - de gevolgen van geweld van mishandeling thuis tot politiek geweld, Wereldbibliotheek; ISBN: 90-284-1653-6).
Jack Hayford, A passion for fullness, Word, USA, 1990.
Brother Lawrence (Nicolas Herman; also known as Frère Laurent), Practice the Presence of God, ISBN 0883681056; after two documents in French from 1692 and 1694 (Maximes spirituelles fort utiles aux âmes pieuses pour acquérir la présence de Dieu, recueillies de quelques manuscrits du Frère Laurent de la Résurrection, religieux convers des Carmes déchaussez, avec ábrégé de la vie de l'auteur et quelques lettres qu'il a écrites à des personnes de piété, Paris, Edme Couterot, 1692; et: Les Moeurs et entretiens du Frère Laurent de la Résurrection, religieux carme déchaussé, avec la Pratique de l'exercice de la présence de Dieu, tirée de ses lettres, Chaalons, Jacques Seneuze, 1694 (both: Bibliothèque Nationale, Paris); (Dutch translation by J.B.M. Laudy: Besef van Gods tegenwoordigheid, Gideon, Hoornaar NL, 1999; ISBN 90-6067-786-2; previously published as: Licht in ons hart, Carmelitana, Belgium).
Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child - the cry of the heart for intimate belonging, NavPress, Colorado USA, 1994; (Dutch translation: Kind aan huis, Navigator Boeken, 2001; ISBN 90-76596-41-7).
Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel - embracing the unconditional love of God, Multnomah Books / Questar, Sisters Oregon USA, 1990 / SP Trust - Alpha, Aylesbury Bucks GB, 1997; (Dutch translation by Bep de Wit-de Waard: Het zwerversevangelie, Navigator Boeken, 2002; ISBN 90-76596-42-6).
Tom Marshall, Healing from the inside out - understanding God’s touch for spirit, soul and body, Sovereign World, Chichester West Sussex GB / USA, 1988.
Floyd McClung jr. with Geoff & Janet Benge, Discovering your destiny - How to know God’s will for your life, Marshall Pickering, Basingstoke Hants UK, 1988.
Alice Miller, Das drama des begabten Kindes und die Suche nach dem wahren Selbst - eine Um- und Fortschreibung, 1979. Also translated into English: The Drama of Being a Child : The Search for the True Self; ISBN 1860491014. And - by Tinke Davids - into Dutch: Het drama van het begaafde kind - op zoek naar het ware zelf, Van Holkema en Warendorf - Unieboek, Houten NL, 1981 / 2001 (24ste druk).
Henri J.M. Nouwen, Intimacy, Harper San Francisco, 1998. ISBN 0060663235.
Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Wounded Healer, Doubleday, New York USA, 1972. ISBN 0-385-14803-8.
Henri J.M. Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus - reflections on Christian leadership, Crossroad, New York USA, 198x; (Also translated by Margreet Stelling into Dutch: In de naam van Jezus - Over pastoraat in de toekomst, Oase - Lannoo, Tielt B, 1989).
Henri Nouwen, The return of the prodigal son, ...., 19xx. (Available in Dutch as: Eindelijk thuis - gedachten bij Rembrandts 'De terugkeer vam de verloren zoon', Lannoo, Tielt, 2000; editing of the Dutch version by: Evert v.dr. Poll).
J.I. Packer, Knowing God, Hodder & Stoughton, London GB etc, 1973.
Leanne Payne, The Healing Presence, Crossway Books, Wheaton Ill USA / Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1989/1995.
Leanne Payne, Restoring the christian soul - through healing prayer (Overcoming the three great barriers to personal and spiritual completion in Christ), Crossway Books, Wheaton Ill USA, 1991.
Jessie Penn-Lewis, Face to Face, The Overcomer Literature Trust, Great Britain.
Zac Poonen, Radiating His Glory, Kingsway, Eastbourne E.-Sussex GB, 1982.
Marie Powers, Jane Hansen, Fashioned for Intimacy, Gospel Light Publs, July 1998; ISBN: 0830723218.
Eugenia Price, The wider place, Zondervan, USA, 1966.
Mary Pytches, Yesterday's Child - Understanding & healing present problems by examining the past, Hodder & Stoughton, London, 1990; ISBN 0 340 52273 9.
J. Oswald Sanders, Enjoying intimacy with God, Moody Press, Chicago USA, 1980.
J. Oswald Sanders, Facing loneliness - the starting point of a new journey, Highland Books, Crowborough East-Sussex England, 1988 / Discovery House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1990.
Francis A. Schaeffer, True spirituality, Tyndale House, Wheaton USA / Coverdale House, London GB, 1972.
Jeffrey Satinover, The empty self - C.G. Jung and the Gnostic transformation of modern identity, Hamewith Books, Westport Connecticut USA, 1996.
J. Oswald Sanders, Facing loneliness - the starting point of a new journey, Highland Books, Crowborough East-Sussex England, 1988 / Discovery House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1990.
David A. Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap - Letting
Go of the Need to Achieve (earlier editions titled: Healing
Grace), Victor Books, SP Publications, USA, 1988;
(translated into Dutch as: Genezende Genade - bevrijding van
prestatiedwang, SP Publications, Colorado Springs USA / Shalom Books,
Putten NL, 1991/1998; info: Shalombooks@wxs.nl).
Like Lewis Smedes, David Seamands shows how grace is the best antidote
to shame.
Shame is a hard taskmaster: we always should do still some better.
Grace lifts that burden from us.
Most instrumental I consider his notion that the false self becomes
more obsessed with a more unreal goal as the true self becomes more
hidden under it.
This says that a relaxation of too high goals can sometimes help in
uncovering the true self.
As a result, our focus can shift from an unhealthy form of introspection
to looking up to God.
He affirms our being and leads us further towards healthy living.
Lewis B. Smedes, Shame and Grace - healing the shame we don't
deserve, HarperSanFrancisco, Zondervan / HarperCollins, USA, 1993.
Comment: I like the way Lewis Smedes makes a distinction between
healthy forms of shame and non-healthy ones.
And how he discerns the ways in which others (e.g. our parents, when we
were little) can shame us, but also the ways in which we can too easily
shame ourselves.
Many people feel and actually are disconnected as a result of shame.
Lewis Smedes introduces the vital concept of grace as antidote to this
kind of toxic shame.
If we accept that we are loved by God out of His grace - no matter what
(cf. Rom.8), then we more easily come to a healthy form of self-acceptance
that defies shame.
We may not be (nor feel) deserving, says Smedes, but we are worthy of the
grace that saves.
Then, we still may have to terms with our shamers. This, too, is treated
carefully by Smedes.
His concluding chapters on living lightly and the return of
joy are indeed full of lightness and joyful life.
Paul D. Stanley, J. Robert Clinton, Connecting - The mentoring relationships you need to succeed in life, Navpress, Colorado Springs, USA, 1992. ISBN 0-89109-638-8.
Anna A.A. Terruwe, De liefde bouwt een woning (Love builds a home; in Dutch), J.J. Romen & Zonen, Roermond NL, 1971.
Anna A.A. Terruwe, Geef mij je hand - over bevestiging, sleutel van
menselijk geluk, (Give me your hand - about affirmation, key to
human happiness in Dutch); De Tijdstroom, Lochem NL, 1972.
Comment: To me, Anna Terruwe's books have been the most affirming
ones for my soul.
She combines deep psychological insight with a very gentle, almost
dear grandma style of encouragement and empathy.
Once you've read one of her books, you want to read them all (unfortunately,
they are no longer available, though you may find some in second hand
bookstores).
Anna A.A. Terruwe, Geloven zonder angst en vrees (Believing without anxiety or fear in Dutch), Romen, Roermond, 1971.
Paul Tournier, De la solitude à la communauté, Delachaux & Niestlé, Neuchâtel / Paris, 1943/1948. (Translated into English by John S. Gilmour: Escape from loneliness, W.L. Jenkins / SCM Press, 1962 / Highland Books, Crowborough East Sussex GB, 1983. Translated into Dutch by R. Bakker: De weg uit de eenzaamheid, Zomer en Keuning, Wageningen, ongedateerd).
Paul Tournier, Le personnage et la personne, Delachaux et Niestlé, Neuchâtel F, 1954; (English version: The meaning of persons; Dutch translation by Frans den Tex: Ons masker en wij, W. ten Have, Amsterdam NL, 1956).
Paul Tournier, L'aventure de la vie, Delachaux & Niestlé, Neuchâtel / Paris, 1965; (English translation by Edwin Hudson: The adventure of living, SCM Press, London, 1966).
Paul Tournier, La Mission de la femme, Delachaux et Niestlé, Neuchatel & Paris, 1979; (English translation by Edwin Hudson: The gift of feeling, John Knox Press, Atlanta USA, 1981).
John Townsend, Hiding from Love (We all long to be cared for,
but we prevent it by -) - How to change the withdrawal patterns that
isolate and imprison you, NavPress, USA, 1991 / Scripture Press,
Amersham-on-the-Hill Bucks England, 1992. ISBN 1-872059-68-6.
Comment: John Townsend helped me to see the struggle we often face
between a desire and need for connection and a similar one for separation.
He also showed clearly how we can struggle about the fact that bad and
evil happens - most of the time totally outside our control.
We somehow have to resolve the urge to 'make everything good'.
Ingrid Trobish, The Hidden Strength - Rooted in the Security of
God's Love, Here's Life, San Bernardino, 1988.
Comment: Though it is many years ago that I last read it, I will
not easily forget Ingrid Trobish's book.
Written from the consolation she herself received in very difficult
circumstances, it touches the deepest human need.
Many times this book was the first one I recommended people to read.
Aiden Wilson Tozer, The knowledge of the Holy; Harper SanFrancisco; November 1978; ISBN: 0060684127.
Lori A. Varick, Designed for dependency - moving from emotional isolation to intimacy, Emerald Books, Lynnwood Washington USA, 1994.
Sandra D. Wilson, Released from shame - Recovery for adult children of dysfunctional families, (ACDF's), People Helper Books series (Gary R. Collins, ed.), IVP, Downers Grove Ill USA, 1990.
Anne Wilson Schaef, Co-Dependence, Misunderstood-Mistreated, Harper & Row (Harper Collins), San Francisco USA, 1986; (Dutch translation by Frank Carmiggelt: Ik ben er ook nog - Een nieuwe visie op mede-afhankelijkheid, Gottmer / H.J.W.Becht, Haarlem NL, 1992).
Janet Geringer Woititz, Struggle for Intimacy, Health Communications, Deerfield Beach Florida USA, 1985.
The following is a selection of webpages on connectedness, attachment and relationship. Boldface titles are specially recommended.
Mary D. Salter Ainsworth (Johns Hopkins University), Object Relations, Dependency, and Attachment: A
Theoretical Review of the Infant-Mother Relationship ( in pdf format),
first published in Child Development, 1969, 40, 969-1025.
Comment: In this article Mary Ainsworth explains
a.o. vividly the essential difference between object relations theory and
Bowlbian attachment theory.
Object relations theory is based on Freudian instinct theories that were, in
my view, intrinsically humanistic and modern reductionistic and hence devoid
of the basic relational notions of a truly Christian worldview.
In his thoughts and observations on attachment, Bowlby expressed his basic
belief in the existential relational structure of the human being, which is
- again to my perception - far more in line with Biblical thinking.
Chris Coursey and E. James Wilder, THRIVING - Life Rhythms Discovered, Life Rhythms Restored, on the site of C.A.R.E., explain the Bowlbian attachment model in a slightly different way.
| (added: 2011-04-29) |
James A Coan, ‘Adult attachment and the brain’, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Vol. 27(2); p.210–217; DOI: 10.1177/0265407509360900.
| (added: 2011-04-29) |
James A. Coan, Hillary S. Schaefer, and Richard J. Davidson, ‘Lending a Hand – Social Regulation of the Neural Response to Threat’, Psychological Science, Vol.17, p.1032-1039.
| (added: 2004-05-01) |
Mauricio Cortina, Mario Marrone, "Reclaiming Bowlby's
Contribution to Psychoanalysis" ( in pdf format); in: Fromm Forum
(English edition), Tübingen (Selbstverlag), No. 7, 2003, p. 40-51.
A different version of this article was presented at the XII International
Forum for Psychoanalysis in Oslo, Norway.
Robert Watson
(Wheaton College), Toward Union in Love: The Contemplative Spiritual Tradition and
Contemporary Psychoanalytic Theory in the Formation of Persons
(
in pdf format), first published in Jl of Psychology and Theology,
28 (4), 2000, p.282-292.
Inge Bretherton, The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth
(
in pdf format), in: R.Parke, P. Ornstein, J. Reiser en C. Zahn-Waxler (Eds.),
A century of developmental psychology, 1994, Chapter 15,
p.431-471.
Kathryn Cohan, Basics of Relational Theory. Comment: insighful and empathic with women, but unfortunately not devoid of the anti-'oppression-by-men' stance sometimes encountered in feminism.
Jay Ligda, Community; Humans in the Universe, 1997 (web document; largely based on Scott Peck's book, The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace, Simon & Schuster, New York, NY, 1987).
Wayne Peterson, Ph.D., RECONNECTING, University Baptist Church, Devotional, Adult II Sunday School Department, May 23, 1999.
Timeline of the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth.
Everett Waters, E. Mark Cummings, A secure base from which to explore close
relationships ( in pdf format), Child Development, Feb. 2000.
| (article online: 2004-07-18) |
Donna Emmanuel, A developmental model of girls and women (in
pdf format), Progress: Family Systems Research and Therapy,
Vol. 1, Encino, CA, Phillips Graduate Institute, 1992, p. 25-39.
The yearly editions of his Journal will be made available from
Phillips Graduate Institute.
Until that time, Phillips Graduate Institute - the copyright owner - and
Mrs Donna Emmanuel - the author - have been so kind as to
allow me to make this article available via this website.
Peter Fonagy, Attachment in infancy and the problem of conduct disorders in adolescence: the role of reflective function, Plenary adress to the International Association of Adolescent Psychiatry, San Francisco, Jan. 2000 (in .rtf format).
Peter Fonagy, Pathological attachment and therapeutic action, Paper to the Developmental and Psychoanalytic Discussion Group, American Psychoanalytic Association Meeting, Washington DC, 13 May 1999.
C. Hazan, P.R. Shaver, Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 1987, p.511-524. See also: a few highlights from this paper, by Pizzurro.
R.C. Fraley, P.R. Shaver, Adult romantic attachment: Theoretical developments,
emerging controversies, and unanswered questions, Review of General
Psychology, 4, 2000, p.132-154 (in pdf format).
R.C. Fraley, Attachment theory and close relationships.
The Nurturing Parent staff, Fostering healthy attachment - An interview with Dr. Karen Walant (on the site of www.naturalchild.com).
There is a lot of stuff on 'attachment parenting' that is worthwhile to pastoral counselors as well. Like many parents did and still do, we may fear the loss of good boundaries when we make ourselves more available, allow counselees to phone us 'most of the time', etc. Dr Sears goes into questions like this at the site of parenting.com. E.g: Is this separation anxiety?, Will I spoil my baby if I carry her in a sling?, or (on the site of askdrsears.com) The 7 benefits of attachment parenting. Note: Try replacing the words 'baby' or 'child' by 'counselee', 'parent' by 'counselor', 'parenting' by 'counseling' - not in a strict way, but with some creativity - and see what fits and what not; but be warned: you may be surprised! Certainly when you start acting upon it! To give you an impression: this is how the beginning of the latter article reads with the suggested replacings:
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THE 7 BENEFITS OF ATTACHMENT COUNSELING
1. MUTUAL GIVING. The more you give to your counselee the more the counselee gives back to you. There are small quiet moments of pure joy when your counselee smiles at you or gazes seriously into your eyes. There is wonder [for him or her] in discovering the world anew [as] through the eyes of a child seeing it [this way] for the first time. There is peace in knowing that all it takes is your presence, your [gentle affirmation] to soothe and calm your counselee's fears. Consider how you and your counselee benefit from being connected:
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Ayesha Court, "A kiss is just a kiss? Maybe not...", USA Today.
J.H., "Leavin' on a jet plane", Psychology Today, May/June 1999 (page from PT scanned in and presented as a .jpg picture).
A. Lock, Draft outline for a course on identity and self (With significant quotes from: K.J. Gergen, Realities and Relationships: Soundings in Social Construction, Harvard University Press, Cambridge MA, 1994, p. viii; F. Jameson, Postmodernism and Consumer Society. In E. A. Caplin (Ed.) Postmodernism and its Discontents, Verso, London, 1988, pp. 13-29; and M.M. Bakhtin, 1984, p.287.)
John Shotter, The social construction of our 'inner' lives (With a significant quote from M.M. Bakhtin, Problems of Dostoevsky's Poetics. Edited and trans. by Caryl Emerson, University of Minnesota Press, Minneapolis, 1984, p.110).
Daniel D. Hutto (Centre for Meaning and Metaphysical Studies, University of Hertfordshire, England), The Story of the Self: The Narrative Basis of Self-development.
Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart and Ellert R.S. Nijenhuis, 'Dependency in the Treatment of Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative Disorders', Journal of Trauma and Dissociation, 2 (4), p.79-116.
About attachment, I found three noteworthy Powerpoint presentations on the web: Developmental Psychology Lecture 4 - Attachment -- 'Made for each other', The treatment of multiply impaired clients with severe behavioural problems diagnosed as having an attachment disorder, by Paula Sterkenburg of Bartiméus and the Free Univ. of Amsterdam (VU), and What do we gain from relationships?.
From the Discipleship Jl (Navigators USA) library:
Living as God's beloved -
an interview with author Brennan Manning, author of (a.o.):
Abba's Child, on how to experience God's love.
By Paula Rinehart (Issue 100, Jul/Aug 1997)
Why should I trust God? (Issue 103)
Love: delighting in God's tenderness - we all need to
hear and experience that we are loved, but how do we get there? (Issue 114)
With questions for further reflection and/or discussion with friends
Friendship with God (Issue 114)
He chose to be vulnerable, by Paula Rinehart (Issue 102)
Believe it or not? -
with a good section on our identity in Christ, by Stacey S. Padrick
(Issue 103)
Hope: anchoring your
heart to a sure and certain future, by David W. Henderson
- indeed: very hope-full (Issue 114)
His ways, our ways -
trusting God to shape our lives (Issue 95)
The listening side of prayer (Issue 95)
Closer Than A Brother -
Those who take the risks necessary for intimate friendship gain a treasure
that will transform their lives; by Paul Thigpen (Issue 54, Nov/Dec 1989).
From the NACR (Christian Recovery) library:
Relationships and Recovery by Dale S. Ryan;
Theology and Recovery by Dale S. Ryan;
Seeing God in new ways, recovery from distorted
images of God; see also the meditation on this subject.
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For more information, or your reaction to the above, you can contact me via e-mail: andre.roosma@12accede.nl.
André H. Roosma