Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded Helpers Joined to a Healing God

2005-08-12

What is the goal of our life and what are the implications of that for our daily life? And: does that have any consequences for our view on pastoral care?
Those are some of the questions I want to address in this article.

Over the years, I have observed that for many of us, the first things we think about when we are asked about our life goal are functional things: To be a good husband or wife, to be productive in this world (Franklin Covey speaks about: the desire to "leave a legacy"), to be successful in our work, or more general statements like: to be loving or to do good. That has to do with the way we look at life in our western society. We are foremost inclined to look at the functionality. (Though there also is the tendency now to swing to another extreme and say: "my only goal is to enjoy life!") Even when I ask Christians around me, I often hear things like: "my goal is to serve God", where the word 'serving' implies foremost a functional component: we like to 'do' something; to 'earn' love and approval.

And then, you come across someone - either a real-life encounter or through a book that someone has written - who says: "I live to be with God".
Such a thing happened to me one day. One of the first things I did was to grab a Bible and a concordance and start searching. What has God Himself actually told us about the goal He has for our life? I had heard many stories about it - each stressing that we should be obedient to His counsel, etc. Then one day, my eye fell upon the following verse:

"God is faithful, by Whom you were called unto the fellowship of His Son Jesus Christ our Lord."

As the apostle Paul wrote here in his letter to the church in Corinth, we were called to fellowship with Jesus Christ in the first place. This is our final destiny.
By diligently exploring further and talking with God about it, I discovered that only in full fellowship with God can we be who we were meant to be. And it is God's initiative to get us to open our doors to Him:

"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with Me."

It doesn't say: "I will remain at the entrance and teach him a good lesson!" nor: "I will tell him all that he has done wrong". He wants to come in and have dinner together. In the days and culture in which this was written, this meant a deep form of friendship - an act of really connecting yourself with the other.

That fellowship with God also includes fellowship with each other. It is part of our being created in the image of God, for God is a God of fellowship and unity.

Jesus Himself summarized it in His last big prayer to His heavenly Father:

"...that they all may be one; as Thou, Father, art in me, and I in Thee, that they also may be one in Us:..."

Here, Jesus speaks of the total unity between God and us and between us amongst each other, as a resemblance of, or: after the image of, the perfect unity between Jesus and God the Father. This unity Jesus experienced with His (and our, if we are reconciled to Him) heavenly Father is very well expressed in the way He lived:

"Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of His own accord, but only what He sees the Father doing; for whatever He does, that the Son does likewise. For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all that He Himself is doing; ...""

"I can of My own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and My judgment is just; because I seek not My own will, but the will of the Father Who has sent me."

And somewhat further He extends this to His disciples - that is: also to us, as He says:

"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."

It is in close connection with God that we can thrive and grow and be fruitful.

This close connection has been made possible through Jesus:

"It was through what His [God's] Son did that God cleared a path for everything to come to Him - all things in heaven and on earth - for Christ's death on the cross has made peace with God for all by His blood."

Practicing God's presence

Leanne Payne, very well known for her pastoral care ministry and her many books on that subject, advises everybody to take up the mandate of practising the Presence of God in daily life. We have become so alienated from this that it often (as in me) takes a little time before people understand what she means. But at the same time it is so simple: suppose you have a great friend - someone who is just so good to be with. And he or she wants to be with you wherever you go. O.k., you say, and you get into the car, because you were about to go to work.

Give your troubles to God; He will be up all night anyway. Source unknown (once seen on a poster).

Now, wouldn't you talk on the way there while driving? Perhaps some day it would just be a remark about another driver, or a traffic light that just turns red in front of you. Another day you might point at a wonderfully shaped cloud you see, or tell your friend on the way home about something that went on at work.
Or suppose he or she is with you in the kitchen while you are preparing a meal. Wouldn't you have a chat - be it even a few words? Perhaps you might just say how glad you are (s)he is there. And perhaps he or she might also say how happy (s)he is with you. Or that the cooking smells nice.
With God, it is the same. We just have to get used to talk to Him and to 'hear' His still voice in our heart, saying things like: "I am so happy with you!"

So, why don't you just take a break and try it out now, and tell Him for a start you're open to this kind of 'ordinary' communication with Him...

Connectedness with God has some good 'side effects'

The connection with God is a great gift (charitas) in itself. But there is more. It also gives us a right perspective on each other as fellow-creatures, created in His image (however misformed that image may have become through what evil we have experienced and through wrong choices we have made ourselves). We se this clearly in Adam and Eve before the fall: They knew no shame towards each other nor towards God (see Gen.2-3).

Things got different after the fall - that is: after they made the choice to alienate themselves from God by distrust and by taking things in their own hands and disobeying what God had said for their wellbeing. After that, we see further alienation, focus on self-interest, blaming each other and God, guilt and shame.

But - thanks to Jesus Christ, our Redeemer - this process can be reversed. Through Jesus, we can be restored into the position of being (adopted) children of God again. We can choose to trust God again. To allow Him to change our old patterns of alienation and distrust, and our defense mechanisms. And to change us into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ, Who lived in such close harmony with God the Father.

The good news is: He will do it. He will come into our life and change it, from the inside out. So, then our life with Him will also lead us to greater freedom from the old and unhealthy patterns. For He is the ultimate Source for healthy living. In Him, we can find fulfilment.

As Blaise Pascal, the well known scientist and thinker, said that we are restless till we find rest in God. Only He can fill our inner vacuum, he said.

Then the question arises: what is this intimacy with God, and: what is it not?

First of all: intimacy with God is not 'being religious' or going to a church. It cannot be caught in a set of doctrines. Nor be limited to an institution. All these things may have been added to it by human endeavour, but they are not 'the real thing'. As Richard Halverson, US Senate chaplain, phrased it so succinctly (cited by Leighton Ford, Transforming Leadership, p.163-64):

Intimacy with God means relationship. That is: two-way communication, from heart to heart, not from shell to shell. It means trusting. Being honest and open - 'reachable' as some have phrased it. And 'trusting God' also means: allowing Him to love us, envelop us in His tender care. It means showing proper respect for God and for one another. It means partnership in action, to achieve win-win solutions.

As I just said, relationship with God includes two-way communication. We share what is on our hearts - our hopes and fears, our delights and our burdens - we praise and worship Him for Who He is, and we thank Him for what He gave us and continues to give us from the riches of His grace. In the other direction, we read in the Bible about His character, His passions, His great love for us, His delights and also about His dislikes and the things He hates. And from moment to moment we take time to listen to Him - to hear in our spirit what He thinks about the things we are about to do, the things we see around us, et cetera. As we practice this listening-to-God, we will notice that, day by day, we will learn to discern between His still voice in our heart and the other voices and longings that may be there.

Reverence for Him is key here. After all, He is the Almighty One, the Creator and Ruler of the universe and all. So, let's worship Him with awe - He is more than worthy to receive all glory!

Now, what about the functional? After all, shouldn't we do something as well?
Well, it's a story of the horse and the cart. When we focus on the relationship with God and on glorifying God above all else, this will have an effect in our life - it does something to us. It keeps us on the right track. It gives us the right perspective on things. While, on the contrary, neglecting God and making idols of other creatures makes us loose perspective. As Paul wrote to the church in Rome:

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness: Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of Him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified Him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen."

A clear focus on God has a way of making our life healthier, whereas a focus on other things corrupts our vision and then also the rest of our life.

For this reason, the writer to the Hebrews also writes:

"Looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith; Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider Him Who endured from sinners such hostility against Himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted."

This focus on God also gives us peace - the inner satisfaction and restfulness in our heart. The Old Testament prophet Isaiah already knew this from his experience:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee."

And the Psalmist seems almost exuberant about God's love - almost tumbling from one metaphore to another in trying to find words to describe his wonderful experiences in living with God - when he declares:

"How precious is Thy steadfast love, O God! The children of men take refuge in the shadow of Thy wings. They feast on the abundance of Thy house, and Thou givest them drink from the river of Thy delights. For with Thee is the fountain of life; in Thy light do we see light."

In conclusion: our first and foremost goal is in the intimate connection to God. From focussing on Him first and on our relationship with Him, we also get a right perspective on other things. His presence in our life gives our life direction. It also fosters a healthy relationship with each other. From all that, we can thrive - even when our road may at times be rough. We know He is there with us.

The next natural question is: how do we get there?

In the exposé on family life and personality development I show a most natural developmental plan God has provided - a kind of natural pathway for us to arrive at this healthy life in relationship with Him and our fellow humans. And even when 'plan A' has failed in our life, He has an enormous array of other solutions to help us get there! However, in helping others 'get there' it is good to look first at God's most natural 'Plan A'.

(See also the article on connectedness and attachment in general, with some scientific backgrounds on the connection orientation that God has designed for us, as observed by psychologists and other researchers.)

Or read The amazing story of Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, that she told to her friend about her very exciting encounters with Jesus! ( document in PDF-format that can be read with Adobe Reader™)

For further reading

The following is a selection of recommended books and articles on practicing the intimacy with God. Boldface titles are specially recommended.

Signa Bodishbaugh, The Journey to Wholeness in Christ - A devotional adventure to becoming whole, Chosen Books / Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1997 (2nd printing, May 2000).

James Montgomery Boice, The sovereign God, Foundations of the Christian Faith - Vol. 1, IVP, Downers Grove Ill USA, 1978.

Judson Cornwall & Michael S.B. Reid, Whose love is it anyway?, Sharon, Pilgrims Hatch Brentwood Essex GB, 1991.

Larry Crabb, Finding God, Zondervan, 1993.

Joy Dawson, Intimate Friendship with God - Through understanding the fear of the Lord, Fleming H. Revell, Old Tappan NJ, USA, 1986.

Marie Powers, Jane Hansen, Fashioned for Intimacy, Gospel Light Pubns, July 1998; ISBN: 0830723218.

Jack Hayford, A passion for fullness, Word, USA, 1990.

Thomas à Kempis (Thomas Hemerken of Kempen), The Imitation of Christ, translated from the Latin into modern English by Aloysius Croft and Harold Bolton, The Bruce Publishing Company, Milwaukee, USA, 1940 (also available on the web).

Brother Lawrence (Nicolas Herman; also known as Frère Laurent), Practice the Presence of God, ISBN 0883681056; after two documents in French from 1692 and 1694 (Maximes spirituelles fort utiles aux âmes pieuses pour acquérir la présence de Dieu, recueillies de quelques manuscrits du Frère Laurent de la Résurrection, religieux convers des Carmes déchaussez, avec ábrégé de la vie de l'auteur et quelques lettres qu'il a écrites à des personnes de piété, Paris, Edme Couterot, 1692; et: Les Moeurs et entretiens du Frère Laurent de la Résurrection, religieux carme déchaussé, avec la Pratique de l'exercice de la présence de Dieu, tirée de ses lettres, Chaalons, Jacques Seneuze, 1694 (both: Bibliothèque Nationale, Paris).

Brennan Manning, Abba's Child - the cry of the heart for intimate belonging, NavPress, Colorado USA, 1994.

Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel - embracing the unconditional love of God, Multnomah Books / Questar, Sisters Oregon USA, 1990 / SP Trust - Alpha, Aylesbury Bucks GB, 1997.

Tom Marshall, Healing from the inside out - understanding God’s touch for spirit, soul and body, Sovereign World, Chichester West Sussex GB / USA, 1988.

Floyd McClung jr. with Geoff & Janet Benge, Discovering your destiny - How to know God’s will for your life, Marshall Pickering, Basingstoke Hants UK, 1988.

Henri J.M. Nouwen, Intimacy, Harper San Francisco, 1998. ISBN 0060663235.

Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Wounded Healer, Doubleday, New York USA, 1972. ISBN 0-385-14803-8.

Henri J.M. Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus - reflections on Christian leadership, Crossroad, New York USA, 198x.

Henri Nouwen, The return of the prodigal son, ...., 19xx.

J.I. Packer, Knowing God, Hodder & Stoughton, London GB etc, 1973.

Blaise Pascal, Pensées, 1660. (An English translation by W. F. Trotter is available on the web.)

Leanne Payne, The Healing Presence, Crossway Books, Wheaton Ill USA / Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1989/1995.

Jessie Penn-Lewis, Face to Face, The Overcomer Literature Trust, Great Britain.

Ed Piorek, 'Marinated in God', Spread the fire, Publication of the Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship, June 1996, pp.12-13.
The author suggests the great value of 'soaking someone (or oneself) in prayer'. With testimonials from various people who experienced so much more of God after 'being soaked' by repeated prayer, just 'letting it happen'; opening themselves slowly more and more to God's embrace.

Zac Poonen, Radiating His Glory, Kingsway, Eastbourne E.-Sussex GB, 1982.

Eugenia Price, The wider place, Zondervan, USA, 1966.

J. Oswald Sanders, Enjoying intimacy with God, Moody Press, Chicago USA, 1980.

J. Oswald Sanders, Facing loneliness - the starting point of a new journey, Highland Books, Crowborough East-Sussex England, 1988 / Discovery House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1990.

Francis A. Schaeffer, True spirituality, Tyndale House, Wheaton USA / Coverdale House, London GB, 1972.

Tommy Tenney, The God Chasers, Destiny Image Publ., Schippensburg PA, USA, 1998.

Paul Tournier, Escape from loneliness, W.L. Jenkins / SCM Press, 1962 / Highland Books, Crowborough East Sussex GB, 1983 (translation, by John S. Gilmour, of: De la solitude à la communauté, Delachaux & Niestlé, Neuchâtel / Paris, 1943/1948).

Aiden Wilson Tozer, The knowledge of the Holy; Harper SanFrancisco; November 1978; ISBN: 0060684127.

Ingrid Trobish, The Hidden Strength - Rooted in the Security of God's Love, Here's Life, San Bernardino, 1988.

John White, God's pursuing love - The relentless tenderness of God, IVP, Downers Grove Ill USA, 1998; ISBN 0 8308 1944 4.

For further websurfing

The following is a selection of webpages on experiencing the intimacy with God.

What is the purpose of life? - an article by Paul Foster on the site of Mastering Life Ministries.

Toward Union in Love: The Contemplative Spiritual Tradition and Contemporary Psychoanalytic Theory in the Formation of Persons - by Robert Watson of Wheaton College.

From the Discipleship Journal (Navigators USA) library:
Friendship with God (Issue 114)
He Chose to be Vulnerable - by Paula Rinehart (Issue 102, Nov/Dec 1997)
Living as God's beloved - an interview with author Brennan Manning, author of (a.o.): Abba's Child, on how to experience God's love
The One Jesus Loves - when we draw near enough to hear Jesus’ heartbeat, we will discover, as John did, that we are His beloved; by Brennan Manning (Issue 82, July/Aug 1994)
Grabbin Aholt Of God - whatever else it may be, prayer is first and foremost an act of love; by Brennan Manning (Issue 80, Mar/Apr 1994). From the introduction: "I don’t see why anyone should settle for anything less than Jacob," writes Walker Percy, "who actually grabbed aholt of God and wouldn’t let go until God identified himself and blessed him." Many Christians never have grabbed aholt of God. They do not know, really know, that God dearly and passionately loves them. Many accept it theoretically, others in a shadowy sort of way. While their belief system is invulnerable, their faith in God’s love for them is remote and abstract. They would be hard-pressed to say that the essence of their faith-commitment is a love affair between God and themselves. Not just a simple love affair but a furious love affair. How do we grab aholt of God? How do we overcome our sadness and isolation? How do we develop the courage and generosity to treasure the signature of Jesus on the pages of our lives? How, how, how?
Why should I trust God? (Issue 103, Jan/Feb 1998)
Believe it or not? - when it comes to trusting God, your actions speak louder than your words; with a good section on our identity in Christ; by Stacey S. Padrick (Issue 103, Jan/Feb 1998)
Hope: anchoring your heart to a sure and certain future - indeed: very hope-full (Issue 114)
Love: delighting in God's tenderness - we all need to hear and experience that we are loved, but how do we get there? With questions for further reflection and/or discussion with friends
His ways, our ways - trusting God to shape our lives; by David Hazard (Issue 95, Sept/Oct 1996)
The listening side of prayer - Learn to listen to God in a world of incessant noise. By Stacy Padrick (Issue 95, Sep/Oct 1996)
(Do-it-yourself) Bible Study on Embracing God’s Purposes - on moving from self-centeredness to God-centeredness; by David Hazard (Issue 95, Sept/Oct 1996)
Embracing God’s Purposes In Your Life - editorial introduction to the issue; by David Hazard (Issue 95, Sept/Oct 1996)
The Power To Serve - prayer is not a preparation for work or an indispensable conditions for effective ministry; prayer is life: Prayer and ministry are the same and can never be divorced; by Dudley Delffs (Issue 100, July/Aug 1997)
I Am The Light Of The World - Jesus created us to reflect His glory in a dark world; by Tricia McCary Rhodes (Issue 120, Nov/Dec 2000)
Carried By Grace - Learning to rest in our heavenly Father’s strength; by Tricia McCary Rhodes (Issue 117, May/June 2000)
Where's the joy? - It May Be Closer Than You Think - keys to finding the Source of True Delight; by Paul Thigpen (Issue 93, May/June 1996)

From the NACR (Christian Recovery) library:
Seeing God in new ways, recovery from distorted images of God; see also the meditation on this subject.
Relationships and Recovery by Dale S. Ryan;
Theology and Recovery by Dale S. Ryan;

And from net-burst.net: You are loved! - on knowing God’s love for you, by Grantley Morris.

home

or   back to the article index

More information or suggestions

For more information, or your reaction to the above, you can contact me via e-mail: andre.roosma@12accede.nl.

© André H. Roosma, Accede!, Zoetermeer NL, 2002-09-05 / 2011-11-16; all rights reserved.